MiST: The Star Wars Holiday Special
December 22nd, 2005

[13:03] <@SpeedRcrX> So this is the Star Wars holiday special. I've heard lots of s[BLEEP]t, but now it's time to see it for ourselves
[13:03] <@Dr_Xadium> We skipped it last year because it would have been too damaging to our health.
[13:03] <@SpeedRcrX> But what have you got to lose this year, right x? LOL
[13:04] <@Dr_Xadium> Nothing ><
[13:04] <C'est_la_V> Stop complaining, Xadium-kun :P
[13:04] <// J_Daito //> Anyway, the thing starts off with embarassingly lifted stock footage from the movie with some Star Destroyers chasing the Milennium Falcon
[13:05] <FireFly_9> Yes, perhaps this should be the first clue that the budget here is not exactly stellar.
[13:05] <=^catablanca^=> Look at it this way, it's not KillDozer.

[13:06] <flame_SNIPER> The inside of the Millennium Falcon certainly looks cramped
[13:06] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> nat az cramped az da bodgat ror
[13:07] <@SpeedRcrX> Well they got the cheapss Star Trek ship shaking effects down heh

[13:08] <@SpeedRcrX> Chewbacca's all sad because he can't make it home for "Life Day" at this rate
[13:09] <// J_Daito //> No way, you know he's crying inside because he knows he's in this piece of s[BLEEP]t low budget production
[13:09] <FireFly_9> Chewbacca weeps for us all.
[13:09] <@Dr_Xadium> Yes, but WE will die for Lucas' sins ><
[13:10] <Crwn_FruT_Gamer> Why so down, guys? It's CHRISTMAS / KWANZAA / CHANUKKAH / FESTIVUS time! Time for:

[13:11] <FireFly_9> You know in retrospect I fail to see what was so "special" about this special
[13:11] <// J_Daito //> It was specially made by special people with special needs.
[13:12] <@SpeedRcrX> Man don't be disrespectful. this is a VITAL piece of the star wars canon man, I mean we get to meet all of CHEWBACCA's f[BLEEP]king FAMILY

[13:13] <// J_Daito //> There's his lovely wife furcoatbacca
[13:14] <FireFly_9> "Mala."
[13:15] <flame_SNIPER> Doesn't that mean "Beautful" In Hindi, or "Flowers?"
[13:16] <GERMATOID> IT MEANS "EVIL" IN SPANISH, WHCIH IS WHAT THIS SPECIAL IS! MUAHAHAHAAHAH

[13:17] <// J_Daito //> There's his Father, Itchy
[13:18] <FireFly_9> ...and I wish Jedite were being sarcastic, but that is his name.
[13:18] <C'est_la_V> Ano... well look at his hair, it's so fill of dandruff of course he's itchy :P
[13:19] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> werez skrachi and burt sampson

[13:19] <// J_Daito //> And his kid, Lumpy.
[13:20] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> hi loks lik a lamp of sit jast lik das spaschul iz
[13:20] <FireFly_9> Sometimes Chibiusa-chan just has the right words.

[13:22] <// J_Daito //> aww look, Flaky or Scabby or whatever the hell his name is is making a wooden X-wing
[13:22] *** SYSTEM ANNOUNCE - Available NOW from Kenner! ***
[13:22] <@SpeedRcrX> If you click on that mp3 and autorepeat that s[BLEEP]t for about 10 minutes you literally have the first past of this special
[13:22] <FireFly_9> No speech, just grunting and gesticulation.
[13:23] <Mdm_Maestro> Like a Mime with constipation trying to signal that he needs to relieve himself.

[13:24] <@SpeedRcrX> HOLY s[BLEEP]t CHIBIWAKKA IS COMING DOWN THE STAIRS FOR SOME JU JITSU KICKASS MANGLING POWER ACTION
[13:25] <// J_Daito //> No he's trying to get out of the special, Ten'ou
[13:25] <C'est_la_V> "When Chewbacca-people attack!! Next on FOX!!"

[13:27] <@SpeedRcrX> Well at some point the Ewok or whatever the f[BLEEP]k he is suddenly realizes the steaming pile crap of s[BLEEP]t special he's in, and so he does the only logical thing. He goes outside and prepares to meet his maker.
[13:27] <flame_SNIPER> But then he realizes his maker is the same man, George Lucas, who MADE this series and does back in.
[13:27] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> wundart was wuld hav happenadned if hi hed jamped
[13:28] <FireFly_9> Then they would have ba[BLEEP]rdized "It's a wonderful life."
[13:28] <@spiritflame> in retrospect that might have been a wiser choice

[13:30] <@Dr_Xadium> Apparently the suicide attempt convinces the grandparent that the child needs some kind of special familial attention. So this is given in the way of most parents.
[13:30] <FireFly_9> Yes, the child is set before the three dimensional babysitter... err, television set.

[13:32] <@SpeedRcrX> and MAN the TV makes a SEXY babysitter for little rashy
[13:32] <FireFly_9> "Itchy"
[13:32] <@Dr_Xadium> No, Itchy is the grandfather, this is Lumpy.
[13:33] <@SpeedRcrX> Dude well whatever because Lumpy sure BECOMES "Lumpy" after seeing that svelte... whateverthef[BLEEP]k

[13:33] <C'est_la_V> Look at his eyes....
[13:34] <// J_Daito //> Little Lumpy just became BIG Lumpy
[13:34] <@SpeedRcrX> He ain't never seen none of THAT s[BLEEP]t before

[13:35] <flame_SNIPER> ....
[13:35] <flame_SNIPER> What the HELL is that little boy doing?
[13:35] <C'est_la_V> Ano...
[13:35] <@S.X. Aino> You don't wanna know.
[13:35] <@SpeedRcrX> Ahh Lumpy.
[13:36] <flame_SNIPER> this is a holiday special right? FOR KIDS?
[13:36] <@SpeedRcrX> Lumpy, Lumpy Lumpy. Itchy's gonna haveta have "the talk" with you.

[13:37] <FireFly_9> ANYWAY
[13:38] <// J_Daito //> Yeah, the dessicated skeleton of a plotline moves on and the other Wookies
[13:38] <@SpeedRcrX> Except for Lumpy who is getting simulated Nookie
[13:38] <@S.X. Aino> No that's later in this "Special"
[13:39] <@SpeedRcrX> O yeah
[13:39] <// J_Daito //> THE OTHERS RADIO AROUND TO see where Chewbacca and Han Solo are
[13:40] <GERMATOID> AND THE FIRST PERSON THEY FIND IS A VERY STONED LUKE SKYWALKER
[13:40] <=^catablanca^=> Hopped up on Force, dudes
[13:40] <=^catablanca^=> Hopped up on Force
[13:41] <FireFly_9> You can just HEAR the enthusiam in his voice
[13:41] <@SpeedRcrX> Yeah they cut the bit from the Audio where luke goes "Aww crap those fur coats are ALWAYS bugging me!"

[13:43] <@SpeedRcrX> and of course then the talk ends when Luke's bong explodes
[13:43] <// J_Daito //> Look at him trying to inhale the vapors
[13:43] <=^catablanca^=> So stoned
[13:43] <=^catablanca^=> So very stoned
[13:43] * =^catablanca^= is away: where's my catnip
[13:43] <C'est_la_V> ....

[13:45] <@SpeedRcrX> Ok so fast forwarding a bit we meet a lovebale shopkeeper played by Art Carney
[13:45] <// J_Daito //> NORTON! GET OUT!
[13:46] <@SpeedRcrX> and we'll see him again when the time comes for Wookie Nookie Erotopr0n so we'll ignore him for now
[13:46] <FireFly_9> Basically the plot meanders along until we come across to Chewbacca's wide taking cooking lessons.
[13:47] <// J_Daito //> SEXY cooking lessons. From a transvestite.
[13:48] <@S.X. Aino> A Transvestite *Alien*
[13:48] <flame_SNIPER> A transvestite Alien with a fake engligh accent ><

[13:49] <@SpeedRcrX> Yeah and she likes it HOT in the kitchen, teaching the Wookie how to WHIP, STIR and BEAT
[13:49] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> itz nat c[BLEEP]king itz BSSM

[13:54] <@S.X. Aino> And now we come to perhaps the most insane portion of the special by far...
[13:54] <@Dr_Xadium> Itchy, you see is a very very lonely man, having no wife....
[13:54] <C'est_la_V> Xadium-kun would know all about that :P
[13:54] <@Dr_Xadium> WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?!
[13:54] <@S.X. Aino> Can we not go here please~
[13:55] <@SpeedRcrX> Anyway yeah so Ed Norton comes in from the Sewer or some s[BLEEP]t with a data cube for the old man
[13:55] <// J_Daito //> Wishing him a very "happy" Life day
[13:55] <@SpeedRcrX> Oh he'll be "happy" all right
[13:55] <FireFly_9> But we won't be.

[13:57] <@SpeedRcrX> Yeah, Itchy scratches his itch in the VR machine by making this babe right here
[13:57] <// J_Daito //> And Star Wars enters the pr0n age.
[13:57] <FireFly_9> The Audio says far more than we ever could.
[13:58] <@Dr_Xadium> Could you imaging parents sitting next to their kids and seeing THIS on the Television?
[13:58] <// J_Daito //> Hey EIHGF "I'm getting your message, are you getting mine?"
[13:58] <@spiritflame> get this: ..|..
[13:58] <GERMATOID> OH SNAP
[13:58] <flame_SNIPER> Hahahaha
[13:59] <flame_SNIPER> But seriously who the HELL wrote this for KIDS?!
[13:59] <FireFly_9> Someone with severe sexual issues.
[13:59] <C'est_la_V> Hotaru-chan is exagerrating :P

[13:59] <FireFly_9> Oh am I? Then tell me...
[14:01] <FireFly_9> ...what is this Imperial Stormtrooper so fascinated by?

[14:03] <flame_SNIPER> O_o
[14:03] <C'est_la_V> Ano... EWW
[14:03] <C'est_la_V> I take it all back...
[14:04] *** SYSTEM ANNOUNCE - This portion of the Sub Senshi Christmas MiST brought to you by OSCAR MEYER WEINERS! BECAUSE MY BOLOGNA HAS A FIRST NAME AND IT'S O-S-C-A-R! ***
[14:04] <@S.X. Aino> Sang Jefferey Dahmer to himself XD

[14:04] <FireFly_9> Unfortunately the erotic overtones of the Jefferson Starship concert (that was what was playing in the machine) were not enough to alleviate the pent up aggression in the soldier's bodies.
[14:04] <// J_Daito //> Right, so they did what any fearsome galactic invaders would
[14:05] <@SpeedRcrX> got medieval on the ass of a plushie

[14:06] <@SpeedRcrX> Ok so after Dark Helmet there had his fun, the kid takes the TV set and watches some kind of acid trip animated short with character designs that are INSANE.
[14:06] <@Dr_Xadium> It's like the ba[BLEEP]rd stepchild of anime.... on crack-cocaine
[14:07] <@S.X. Aino> No, the crack cocaine comes later ><
[14:07] <FireFly_9> I wonder what they're all staring at...
[14:07] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> da miror?///

[14:08] <@S.X. Aino> Oh, right, the amusing sight of 3PO insting he's not gay.
[14:08] <@SpeedRcrX> Dude he's as straight as me
[14:08] <@SpeedRcrX> oh wait s[BLEEP]t

[14:10] <// J_Daito //> Anyway things got REALLY boring after this point including some long pointless low budget creature cantina ripoff scene, the only highlight of which was Bea Arthur of Golden girls fame stroking this giant elongated alien genital.
[14:10] <@S.X. Aino> She wasn't a Golden girl yet.
[14:10] <@SpeedRcrX> She keeps touching it like that she soon will be

[14:17] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> aww lok dere huggang sew kute
[14:17] <// J_Daito //> Anways Han and Chewie FINALLY make it to the house, and you're thinking, GOD IT'S OVER
[14:18] <@SpeedRcrX> No, because after they have their "moment" in front of the closet, we find out there's still more to come
[14:18] <FireFly_9> Including the Darkest Moment in Star Wars history
[14:18] <@S.X. Aino> Even worse that wookie pr0n.

[14:20] <@SpeedRcrX> So anyways we fast forward again past the panting anf grunting at Han and s[BLEEP]t and then BAM all of a sudden out of nowhere the wookies are wearing red robes and WALKING THROUGH THE SPACE
[14:20] <@S.X. Aino> Who needs Hyperdrive, huh? Huh? I ASK YOU

[14:21] <@SpeedRcrX> So then we're in this bigass hall, like the orgy chamber in the Matrix Reloaded
[14:21] <// J_Daito //> It's big, and there are sloppy people, and they're moaning.
[14:21] <FireFly_9> So it's JUST like Reloaded.
[14:22] <C'est_la_V> But they're making sounds of pain...
[14:22] <flame_SNIPER> The sounds I'm making after having made it this far though this INSANE production
[14:22] <flame_SNIPER> I can't believe people got PAID to act this stuff out!
[14:23] <@SpeedRcrX> Yeah how the f[BLEEP]k do you script that? "GUTTERAL BLURT here" or some s[BLEEP]t?

[14:24] <@S.X. Aino> And then it hits. THE KILLING BLOW
[14:25] <@SpeedRcrX> As if TW f[BLEEP]kING HOURS of this s[BLEEP]t is NOT enough, Sci-Fi's favourite crackhead
[14:25] <@Dr_Xadium> Crack wasn't invented yet
[14:25] <@SpeedRcrX> DOPE FIEND WHATEVER
[14:26] <@SpeedRcrX> She gets on up next to Chewie and gives up the SECRET of the TREE OF LIFE
[14:26] <C'est_la_V> which is a song
[14:26] <GERMATOID> BUT NOT JUST *ANY* SONG! MAUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
[14:26] <@SpeedRcrX> no. Some f[BLEEP]ker put WORDS to the Star Wars anthem.
[14:27] <@S.X. Aino> Just like Roddenberry did for Trek
[14:27] <@S.X. Aino> OH GAWD THE EARS BURN

[14:28] <@SpeedRcrX> And then after she caterwauls EVERYONE TO DEATH thus WINNING THE WAR
[14:28] <@SpeedRcrX> she huggles the still erect corpse of poor Chewie
[14:28] <// J_Daito //> Aww hust like a streetwalker and her pimp
[14:28] <@SpeedRcrX> "Happy Holidays so sorry I KILL YOU"
[14:29] <@SpeedRcrX> Well we hope you enjoyed this s[BLEEP]t because we SURE as hell didn't enjoy making it
[14:29] <C'est_la_V> This would have killed Mike and the Bots...
[14:29] <@SpeedRcrX> Forrester would have f[BLEEP]king won, man
[14:29] <@SpeedRcrX> Forrester would have f[BLEEP]king won
[14:30] *** SYSTEM ANNOUNCE - The Star Wars Holiday Special! Because when the LucasFilm Marketing Machine Wins, we ALL LOSE. ***