Suburban Senshi Entry #2356 - “Suburban Senshi's Seven Days of Christmas Day 6!!”
#2356 “Suburban Senshi's Seven Days of Christmas Day 6!!”
Excerpt Start - 09:32 AM 12/23/23

#suburbansenshisquad
=/\catablanca/\=
I won't put it there again I swear!
C'est_La_V
:/
C'est_La_V
Anyway! Hi Hi Minna-san!! It's day 6 of the Suburban Senshi gift pool!! As a reminder, since we have far too many friends to by gifts for, we decided to just make a common gift pool. We all threw in 2,500 yen, and we had an advanced Tomoe Research Labs AI select a "keyword" for each of us. The AI then used that keyword to search Wish.com and ordered us an item matching that word for under 2500 yen. So now we're showing each other what we got, and Hotaru-chan will explain how the word relates to the gift!!
Electric_Jade
I'm here for Hotaru's murderous interpretations of everything <_<
FireFly_9
It's not murderous, just common sense.
The Vampire Lyrica Hubert
Common sense that's so metal
spiritflame
Let's get going
spiritflame
the next person selected for was: ratchet
their word was: ban
their item was:
  




Ms. Altair
...So I understand the face cream and the hairbows... but what's with the arm cuffs, especially in the third picture <_<
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.
hshshshs datz 4 wen u aks ur men 2 bynd ur arms an den [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP] ur [BLEEP] [BLEEP]
Ms. Altair
*0_0*
Big Mikey SHOWTIME!
That kid is full of SUGOI ideas!!
FireFly_9
Hmm that's what you would think but there's probably a ban on these products because it's used by disgruntled wives to do away with their useless husbands... as you can see the cuffs don't really attach, so what happens is the wife pretends to be bound and submissive by putting her wrists together as in the third picture, but when her husband comes in for the erotic fun times, she separates her wrists as in the second picture, takes the bow off her head and strangles him, and then is happy at the macabre result as in the first picture. The order of events is reversed in the ad to avoid husbands catching on but the symbolism could not be more clear. Green face for Hulk like rage - skin tone face for the clarity of resolute justice being dispensed and then white face for the happy funerary event afterwards where she can smile at the corpse of the dead wretch that had been ruining her life.
SpeedRcr_X
...man L dumping you by faking his death really f[BLEEP]ked you up didn't it
spiritflame
the next person selected for was: the intern
their word was: appear
their item was:
  




SpeedRcr_X
LOL I know what that appears like
Reverend_H
it's like a d[BLEEP]k in the box yo
The Intern
...
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.
u kan uze tit 2 kip ur fanger kleen when ur
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.
u kno hshshsh
Flame_Sniper
...Chibiusa-chan your mind needs to be cleansed with fire
The Intern
I thought it was a tool to collect fingerprints to fool biometric identity systems...
Gol_D_Lux
It might not hurt to test out other.... "applications?"
Agent McFUNderson
ewwww
FireFly_9
Well while this might appear to be a simple severed finger or barely concealed sex aid, it's actually the tool of an assassin. You can clearly see it's too short to be a useful "toy" The way it works is that you are completely taken off guard by the outlandish appearance of the magicician and his dazzling lens flare. When he has you focusing on the red cloth, he gets you to lean in and stare at it intently, wt which point he whips away the cloth and shoots you in the eye with the severed finger, which penetrates not your orafices, but your brain as it buillet-like kills you.
The Vampire Lyrica Hubert
* is sweating *
The Vampire Lyrica Hubert
You're... really good at this... Hotaru-san <_<;
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.
im jast tramatized
spiritflame
the next person selected for was: vermellia
their word was: fitness
their item was:
  




Agent McFUNderson
Those pockets would be useless they hug your butt too much!Anything you stick in your pockets would jab like heck!
Reverend_H
what butt you aint got one yo
Agent McFUNderson
How do you know!?
=/\catablanca/\=
I got this explanation. they're tight pants to show off your fitness!
FireFly_9
Close but not quite. Yes they show off your fitness but with the sole purpose of attracting men to your shapely buttocks and thighs, so they desire to place their head between them, at which time you squeeze your thighs together and twist, snapping their neck like Sonya Blade did to Kano in the criminally underrated Mortal Kombat I (1995).
Rule34Rocks
...you might need some help, love
Reverend_H
for sure yo, if we wanted to try that she ain't thicc enough
Rule34Rocks
I MEANT for her dark psychological interpretations of the gifts!
The Vampire Lyrica Hubert
I ... don't think she needs any help at all *<_<;*
FireFly_9
Thank you for your confidence in me, Lyrica-san.
The Vampire Lyrica Hubert
A-Anytime...
SpeedRcr_X
...
spiritflame
the last person selected for today was: franziska
their word was: oral
their item was:
  




SpeedRcr_X
AHAHAHAHAAAHAHA
Perfect1
This is Slanderous! I do not have bad breath!! Tell them, Miles Edgeworth!
SpeedRcr_X
Edgeworth isn't in this chat lol
Perfect1
Detective Ema Skye!
EmaSkye_LAPD
I don't think you have bad breath, Ms. Von Karma
Perfect1
Don't think?! Be DECISIVE!
FireFly_9
You're misinterpreting the advertisement. Allow me to explain.
The Vampire Lyrica Hubert
Please do...
FireFly_9
As you can see the ad copy says "Easily solve oral problems. And the image shows a happy, smiling woman blasting a man with "bad breath" to the point where he can barely breathe....
The Vampire Lyrica Hubert
yes, yes?
FireFly_9
One cannot live without breathing. So the spray, while Called breath freshening spray, actually gives the user bad breath so intense that when it strikes the intended target they desperately stop their breathing in order to protect themselves from the odor, asphyxiating and dying. It's used to kill close-talkers, who are annoying oral problems that like to invade your personal space. Thus the oral method of assassination which is perfect.
The Vampire Lyrica Hubert
oh god that's brilliant~
The Vampire Lyrica Hubert is away: recovering
SpeedRcr_X
I think... you have a new "fan" Hotaru-chan
FireFly_9
eh?
C'est_La_V
Well that's it for today, minna-san! Join us tomorrow for the last day of the 2023 Suburban Senshi gift pool!!











Suburban Senshi: She's no Messiah, she's a very naughty girl