Suburban Senshi Entry #2355 - “Suburban Senshi's Seven Days of Christmas Day 5!!”
#2355 “Suburban Senshi's Seven Days of Christmas Day 5!!”
Excerpt Start - 10:31 AM 12/22/23

#suburbansenshisquad
C'est_La_V
Hi Hi Minna-san!! It's day 5 of the Suburban Senshi gift pool!! As a reminder, since we have far too many friends to by gifts for, we decided to just make a common gift pool. We all threw in 2,500 yen, and we had an advanced Tomoe Research Labs AI select a "keyword" for each of us. The AI then used that keyword to search Wish.com and ordered us an item matching that word for under 2500 yen. So now we're showing each other what we got!!
Reverend_H
Aww s[BLEEP]t, here we go again~
spiritflame
getting right down to business, the next person selected for was: mimete
their word was: execute
their item was:




Charm_BUSTer
:O
FireFly_9
That's supposed to be one notebook?
=/\catablanca/\=
What does that have to do with the word "Execute?"
Charm_BUSTer
* grins *
FireFly_9
Oh I get it
FireFly_9
It's so thick it can be used as a murder weapon, and then once you're done with it, it's easily recyclable to remove any evidence.
Charm_BUSTer
That's right! full points for my darling daughter :3
SpeedRcr_X
...oh man having Hotaru decode these is great.
Perfect1
Great for everyone except the murder victim.
Charm_BUSTer
I would never kill anyone <_<
EmaSkye_LAPD
riiiight
spiritflame
the next person selected for was: lyrica hubert
their word was: cabin
their item was:




The Vampire Lyrica Hubert
...
SpeedRcr_X
BOW DOWN FAMILY
The Vampire Lyrica Hubert
You'd need a super long neck for that thing to work
// J_Daito //
Have you seen how Takeuchi draws people
Mizunomics01
Well I'm sure if you used this enough it might forcibly elongate the cervical vertebrae... and / or internally decapitate you.
Crwn_Frt_Gmer
Wait is internal decapitation a thing?
Mizunomics01
yes
EmaSkye_LAPD
yes
FireFly_9
yes
C'est_La_V
So Hotaru-chan how do we relate this gift to the word "cabin"?
FireFly_9
...it's a perfect murder weapon. You lure your victim to a remote cabin that doesn't have a good sleeping arrangements. You tell them to use this neck pillow to allow them to comfortably rest. But you set it to overinflate so it internally decapitates them. Then you blame their death on equipment malfunction.
// J_Daito //
* applauds *
The Vampire Lyrica Hubert
Well it's a good thing I'm an immortal vampire at this point :P
spiritflame
the next person selected for was: momoko
their word was: desire
their item was:




"Silicon" Momoko
...yay just what I wanted, rippling rock-hard abs and no chest :P
FireFly_9
You miss the point of it - you don't wear it, you put it on the man you desire to get your libido going.
"Silicon" Momoko
Yeah but what if you unwrap the burrito and the illusion breaks
SpeedRcr_X
WWE's Giant Gonzalez figured that out years ago. You just make it flesh colored.
SpeedRcr_X




"Silicon" Momoko
* throws up a little inside *
.'~SugaBB_2999~'.
ror hi neadz 2 shav hiz pybez dey cvar hiz hole weist
FireFly_9
...some things are best left hidden, Chibiusa-chan.
spiritflame
the next person selected for was: mamoru
their word was: tidy
their item was:




// J_Daito //
Oh wow someone finally got him some balls
ThatGuyWith_Maskses
Shut up that's for holding nuts obviously
// J_Daito //
still the definition of a ballsack
ThatGuyWith_Maskses
:/
SpeedRcr_X
Hotaru: explain
SpeedRcr_X
* says that like Captain Picard *
FireFly_9
You buy this for someone you intend to kill, explaining that it's a candy dish. But then you inject them with a serum that gives them a severe nut allergy, and place nuts into the disk as in the product picture. Since they have not had a nut allergy prior, they will think nothing of consuming the nuts. But once they begin to go into anaphylactic shock, as they keel over dying, the last thing they'll see is your wooden nut and they will get the subtle, final message from you that you wanted them to know it was you who killed them. It's a nice and tidy murder method.
SpeedRcr_X
...jesus
Rule34Rocks
Christmas Hotaru is not someone to trifle with.
spiritflame
the last person for today was: michael sunnyside
their word was: revenge
their item was:




Ms. Altair
.........
Ms. Altair
Who buys that as a gift for someone?!
Ms. Altair
Sunny don't you look at that
Big Mikey SHOWTIME!
Ratchet, DAALINGU, you know I have no interest in that sort of thing! INTEREST JA NAI
// J_Daito //
Well aren't you goth extremely old due to having taken Kamesennin's enternal youth formula back in the 30s? So technically Altair there is a GILF
Big Mikey SHOWTIME!
...you know he makes a SUBARASHII point there, MY WAIFU.
SpeedRcr_X
Oh god can you not talk like that it hurts
Big Mikey SHOWTIME!
GOMEN NASAI, Tenou-san.
FireFly_9
So how goes "5 hours of HOT GRANNY ACTION" equate to revenge? Well while Sunnyside-san is eternally youthful he isn't immortal - that is to say he can still be killed - so by overloading his senses with 4 straight hours of the Golden Girls engaging in incredbily sensual acts of debauchery, the intent would be to overdrive his system to the point at which he is so aroused his heart explodes and he expires.
Big Mikey SHOWTIME!
....KOWAIYO.
// J_Daito //
well there's another way to accomplish this and it only needs one grandma.
// J_Daito //
ENJOY
SpeedRcr_X
AUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH IT'S KILLING ME RIGHT NOW
C'est_La_V
And on that jolly note we're done for today!! See you for the next part of the gift pool tomorrow!!
Excerpt End - 11:17 AM 12/22/23



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