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DEDICATED TO SHOWING WHAT A MORON KAIOH MICHIRU IS
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From the Mind of Michiru
  





21 March 2004

Some of you might remember there being a WICKEDLY BADASS "IRC" chat channel of some kind here. Well that EILL BE RIGHT BACK DIRECTLY, because I, Kaioh Michiru, the most ANNOYING of all the Sailor Senshi, AMA BOUT TO BE REVISITED BY HARUKA-TACHI WHO ARE PISSED OFF AT ME AND WANT ME TO PAY.

For those of you who might have missed my STUPIDASS MASTER PLAN, I present this IRC "chat log" which SHOWS WHAT I DID TO MY PALS FOR NO GOOD REASON AND HOW LOW I FORCED THEM TO SINK:


*** Now talking in #suburbansenshi
*** Topic is '-= Or is that break...in? =-'
[01:50] <H3LLI05> So man, you down wit da plan?
[01:51] <=^catablanca^=> Yeah, I've doused myself in the ketchup
[01:51] <.'~SugaBB_2999~'> and eyel tak ham 2 da polize stashun an cri mi facking eyez out saing dat dat bstard zadeum run ham ovar with hiz kar
[01:52] <Dr_Xadium> Right, and while they're busy dealing with me and my lack of knowledge of the Japanese language
[01:53] <H3LLI05> Ill run in da place / and bust some face / they'll scramble for cover and den jedites ex robot lover...
[01:53] <H3LLI05> will use her magig ofuda to knock out da police crew yo
[01:54] <.'~SugaBB_2999~'.> and den I'll use da sliver cistal to facking rap open da jail
[01:54] <=^catablanca^=> I'm surprised your mother let you borrow it after you broke yours
[01:54] <.'~SugaBB_2999~'.> ...ahshshshshshsh
[01:55] <Dr_Xadium> What, Chibiusa?
[01:55] <.'~SugaBB_2999~'.> wall lik si dandnt lend it 2 mi
[01:55] <=^catablanca^=> You stole it...
[01:55] <.'~SugaBB_2999~'.> no si facking kips ir on hat at al trims noe... wat i dad wuz i took prafasar timoezz crasi goo n stack it buck togather
[01:56] <H3LLI05> OMFG wat a dumass broad
[01:56] <.'~SugaBB_2999~'.> U SAT DA FICK UP MATERFACKER OR EYE KAK YER AZ Z WIT DAS CISTAL!!!!1
[01:56] <spiritflame> no time for this fight
[01:56] <spiritflame> rescue others we must now
[01:56] <spiritflame> dark visions growing
[01:57] <=^catablanca^=> right! Break!
[01:57] <Dr_Xadium> Break what?
[01:57] <=^catablanca^=> ...
[01:57] <=^catablanca^=> You know, "break and attack!"
[01:57] <Dr_Xadium> right!
[01:57] *** Dr_Xadium [user-19fasjd.dsl.xadiumproductions.com] has left #suburbansenshi (Time and Tide Melts the Snowman)
[01:58] *** =^catablanca^= [arty@ip6943.ai.co.jp] has left #suburbansenshi (This hep cat wears no hats)
[01:58] *** .'~SugaBB_2999~'. [cndygrrl@gigaport.capitalnet.ct] has left #suburbansenshi (scoo U guyz im gong hm!!)
[01:58] *** H3LLi05 [beastmastah@stable.abattoir.co.jp] has left #suburbansenshi (ph33r Da Horse wit da Force, Baybee!)
[01:59] *** spiritflame [FireSoul@ip999.TA.edu.jp] has left #suburbansenshi (I Burn Myself Perfectly)
[02:00] *** Mdm_Maestro [SeaGoddess@art1.perfectco.co.jp] has joined #suburbansenshi
[02:00] <Mdm_Maestro> Excellent, as the mirror predicted, they've ALL left channel, including the two ops.... which means no one is around to stop me from doing this...
[02:00] *** Mdm_Maestro sets mode +o Mdm_Maestro
[02:01] <Mdm_Maestro> And now... at last... this channel.... is MINE! By the time they return... HOHOHOHOHOHOHO HOOHOHOHOHOHO!
*** Disconnected

Now that the CHRONICLE OF MY SHAME has been dispensed with, let's get on to the STUPID CRAP ONLY I THINK ABOUT like how to properly fold fitted sheets.

Making the bed is so much more pleasurable when your sheets have been folded properly and not only do they take up a lot less space, they look great in your linen cupboard too! BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE XRAY VISION AND STA RE IN OUR LINEN CUPBOARDS ALL THE TIME
Follow my easy step-by-step guide on how to fold a fitted sheet, so it looks just like it came out of the packet (reverse the directions if you are left-handed): OR JUST IGNORE ME AND BE BETTER FOR IT

  • Hold the sheet inside out, by its two adjacent corners on one of the shorter ends. Position your hands inside each of these two corners.
  • Fold the corner in your right hand over to the corner in your left, enveloping it. With your right hand, pick up the corner that is hanging down in front and fold it over the two corners in your left hand.
  • Pick up the last corner and fold it over the other three corners. The sheet should now be right side out.
  • Place your folded sheet on a table and straighten it, tucking in the elastic edges as you go.
  • Fold the sheet into a rectangle and then again until it is the size you require.

There! Finished! Now you have perfectly fitted sheets! Aren't you pleased with yourself?

Now don't YOU feel dumb? I DO! I can't wait for Haruka-tachi to come back and kick my ass

COMMENT CORNER

Guess What?
Oh Michi honey, you never guessed what happened to me today. You see, Artemis-tachi came to the police station today, and well, things didn't quite go to their plan. Chibiusa-chan held up her ketchup-covered Artemis for the policeman to see making like X had run him over, but he mistook our feline buddy for a bloody eviscerated human kidney and instinctively batted him away. This caused poor ol' Arty to skid across the sidewalk (I think he bounced once), right in front of the chief of police who is, shall we say... "massively rotund."

Well he didn't see Artemis, as he was busy stuffing a Takoyaki into his face, and since Arty's body was literally soaked in Heinz' 57 varieties, El chief-o did the big slip-and-slide, barreling right towards his ansty lieutenant and a terrrified Chibi-chan. Imagine if you will the sight of a giant whale of a man, traveling atop a momentarily frictionless surface (i.e. greased kitty), hurling non-stop towards you.

If you can't, just imagine a Mack Truck roaring in at 90 MPH with its brake lines cut. And you are on a tricycle whose front wheel just got clogged up with GEICO squirrel roadkill. ANYWAY, so he smashes into Chibiusa, crushing her little body like a pancake, and he takes out about six officers who are just walking out of the P.D. Chibi crawls over to Artmeis and falls on him.

The others inside come rushing out to see WTF is going on, and they see their chief comically trying to get up, but slamming back into the ground like a rapidly re-beaching whale. I think they'll report it as a 6.5 on the Richter tommorow. So anyhow, he's trying to get up, and theyre trying to help him, and he goes down AGAIN, flinging a few of the officers who were holding onto his arms forward like missiles. One takes out Dr. X, who didn't even have time to blink, the other smashes into rei.bot... now you know that she's a heavy little thing, what with being an adriod and all... but SO forceful was the impact that she actually lost her footing and fell forward, crushing Chibiusa-chan again.

Now here's where it gets kinda funny. She gets up, with a gooey Ketchupy Artemis and Chibiusa stuck to her, and she *peels* them off, all the while looking at them with this *look* that says like "og wtf / [bleeping] messy i am become / kick your ass later" and then she strides over to the cops who are trying to pick up their chief. ONE HANDED she lifts his blubbery ass into the air, and they're all staring at her going "Sugoi! Sugoi!"

Now Chibi and Arty see this as the PERFECT chance to sneak in and pring our asses, but RIGHT THEN Elios shows up, because I guess his part of the plan was to cause a distraction (which rei.bot was doing wuote nicely). HIS punk ass starts goin' around puttin' the mack on the female officers, and trying to get into the station, which of course means all the cops are clustering in their to stop him. So no one can get in the damn door.

Suffice it to say that at this juncture rei.bot is [bleep]ing PISSED off, because the perfect opportunity was blown in her eyes. She tried to use her Ofuda to knock out the cops, like the plan said, but when she threws 'em, they all gravitated to neutralize the REAL evil thing in the area, which was the lecherous horse-boy. So he's knocked the F out which is probbaly for the best because ALL the cops were geting ready to bust a cap in him... (okay to maybe it wasnt the best thing because he lived but thCOMMENT LENGTH REACHED
--Posted by T. Haruka, 21/04/04 3:39:AM

Guess What II
Oh son of ... anyway, so she needs to think of somethin' fast, right, so she Oh yea Keep in mind when she threw the Ofuda, it was one handed, because she was STILL holdin' up the 500 pound sumo policeman with one hand high over her head. This is relevant because you see, she knew that she needed a new plan if she was gonna get us outta there.

So this robochick, you know what she does? She looks up at the chief, looks over at the super fortified tank we were stuck in, looks back up at him, says somethin' about bein' sorry, and with ALL her damn might she hurled his ass like a ballistic F'N MISSILE at the wall.

I know what you're thinkin-- his ass was dead, right? Because if a wall could keep us in it must be super strong, right? Well no. Turns out they were using some funkified electric forcefield jobby to keep us in the pen. The Prof was gettin' ready to try shorting it out by hurling Hotaru and Jedite at to make some kind of a overload (he figured he could revive them with nanites or something later or maybe cut a deal with Phaoroh 95), (they weren't happy about this plan for some reason, I suggested to Jed maybe we fuse into Jeruka but we forgot the moves), and anyway, while I was tryin' to be all pragmatisitic-like and shoving their asses towards the field, what do I see but this blubber bomb rushing at me. For a moment I forgot I was behind a forcefiled, I was like OH [BLEEP]! And I was praying, like "Kami-sama if you save my ass I'll NEVER {bleep]ing curse again... and then, like a sign from above, fat boy ELECTRIFIED and overloaded the whole damn grid.

So anyway, we got the hell out, and Tomoe wiped all our criminal records, Minako-chan taught that Wakagi guy a lesson (and then I did too, he thought he had super powers,. well he sure went down with a swift kick to the happy sacs let me tell YOU) and Tomoe coded the machine to get his ass sent BACK to Sibera for ever!

And then we come outside, rei.bot is impressing the cops by lifting up cars with her hands, and they're calling her "Super Miko" and s[bleep]t, and then Tomoe says he tried to login to the channel while he was in the computers and he found THIS wonderful website instead, and all OUR [BLEEP]ing data had been DELETED.

Oh really. Well guess what, Michi... we're back. And as Elios said after the Ofudas wore off and he began chasing Hotaru around:

We're coming for your ass.

--Posted by T. Haruka, 21/04/04 3:59:AM





copyright 2004 Michi Kaioh Living Omnimedia
  
 

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