With ragged, rasping breaths, Xadium burst into consciousness. Sweat covered him from head to toe as he flailed at the bedsheets covering him, for an instant imagining the smooth satin sheets to be a suffocating wall of searing flame as the last remnants of his recurring nightmare only reluctantly allowed themselves to fade into memory.
The screams still echoed in his mind. Her screams.
Every night, for the past week, Xadium had been tormented by the vision of Minako trapped in a fire, crying out in agony, looking though the flames at her husband, her arms outstretched as she tried to desperately reach him.
Every night Xadium ran at the wall of flames, rushing headlong to try and save her, reaching for her left hand even as the flames licked at his own clothes and bit into his flesh. Every night, even as his fingers brushed against hers, the flames melted the flesh from her hand-- charring, blistering and boiling it away, leaving only her golden wedding ring hanging off a bony finger, which crumbled to dust. Every Night, the love of his life was consumed by fire-- her last sound an agonizing wail of pain that split her voicebox even as she fell to the ground, a blackened heap of char. And Xadium could do nothing to save her. Nothing at all.
"You're awake." The words were coldly terse and matter of fact. They came from a blurry figure sitting on the side of the bed, lit by the moonlight.
Xadium pushed himself up to a sitting position on his elbows, squinting. Without his glasses on, he was just about blind. Reaching over to the nightstand, he put them on.
The figure snapped into focus. Dressed in a silver silk nightdress, her golden locks spilling over her lap and the soft light of the moon accentuating her features, Minako was an exquisite vision of loveliness-- a vision that never failed to captivate the Time Lord, no matter how many times he had seen it.
Xadium smiled, glad that once again the nightmares had proven false. The smile, however, died quietly, fading from his lips almost as soon as it was born. For even as the nightmares of sleep faded, the terror of the real took center stage. Minako's normally cerulean-blue eyes were shining golden in the darkness, their ethereal glow captivating and terrifying the Time Lord in turns. While Minako's body was intact, her soul was almost faded away, replaced for the most part by the personality and power of Sailor Venus.
It was a sacrifice Minako had made willingly, over her husband's objection. When the enemy had begun to attack everyone in their dreams, she had decided to transform into Sailor Venus and keep watch, staying awake and transformed continuously, without rest or respite. At first there were no differences in her behaviour, aside from the thrill of experiencing certain things with the heightened senses of a Sailor Soldier; but as time wore on, she began to change more fundamentally.
First it was the odd slip of the tongue as she began to refer to herself as "Venus" instead of Minako. Then it was the odd coldness in her voice, the toughness of a weary warrior from the distant past whose memories and experiences had begun to inject themselves into Minako's thoughts. Little by little, bits of Aino Minako's consciousness had broken off like icebergs, melting in the fire of Venus' ascension. Her body, too, had changed. Taller, fuller, stronger and faster, Minako's transformed state was slowly becoming her default condition, the changes suffusing and altering her DNA. The most striking change, of course, was in her eyes-- the cold, fiery-golden eyes which pierced Xadium to the core, the most obvious visual sign that Minako was slipping away.
"Minako..." Xadium mumbled slowly, sliding over to the edge of the bed and sitting alongside her, leaning over and giving her a soft kiss on the neck. After the nightmare, he needed to reassure himself she was still there, solid, real, warm, alive.
Reflexively, Minako sighed in pleasure, the feeling amplified by her transformed state, her head lolling back for a moment-- but only for a moment. She quickly fought back the emotion flooding her and pulled away, turning to look at her husband severely.
"I told you. Call me Venus." It was the agreement between them, born from days of old. Whenever Minako was transformed, she insisted that she be called Venus to protect her civilian identity. It was a habit that other senshi, such as Mercury, had failed to instill into their lovers, often to unfortunate end as their civilian families were made targets by the various enemies who happened to wander by from time to time.
This time, however, Xadium was sure Minako was not worrying about security. It was almost as if she was consciously avoiding any mention of her civilian name, trying to put her past-- yet future-present -- life behind her.
"Mina," Xadium pressed on, determined not to let her dodge his attempt to snap her back to reality. "Drop the transformation. It's hurting you. You've been like this for days now."
"You weren't complaining the other night when you finally figured out how to get the uniform off," Minako said coolly, smiling slightly as she stroked Xadium's chin with her left hand. Another eerie feeling for Xadium, as Aino Minako was right-handed.
Xadium didn't rise to the bait, gently taking her hand and moving it aside. She was trying to fluster him, to make him take his mind off the problem. Under any other circumstances it would have worked. But not tonight-- not with her very soul hanging in the balance.
"Minako, for your own safety--" he began.
"Venus. And don't lecture me about safety, husband." Venus snapped, turning to face Xadium. "We're under threat from a force that knows us better than we know ourselves! This is the only way I can protect those I love! My friends! My family!" She paused, a genuine look of concern in her eyes. "You."
Xadium looked at Venus sadly. She had hit a sore point. It was true. Every night, while he lay tossing and turning in his sleep, trapped in the throes of night-terror, she had stayed by his side, silently watching over him, guarding him, protecting him. He, a Time Lord, was a fish out of water here in this place, filled with magic and monsters. He had spent his life as a scientist, more concerned with preserving life and learning about it than training or "powering up." He was no fighter. Yet he had fallen in love with one, mated with one, decided to have a family with one. The one who sat before him, sacrificing her very being to protect him.
Xadium regarded Venus in all her aspects. She was a breathtakingly beautiful woman, a loyal and trustworthy friend, and a devoted mate. She was all that, and more.
"Don't you understand," Xadium asked almost pleadingly, running his hand through her hair as he leaned in closer and whispered in her ear. "You're my precious treasure."
"Don't be selfish," Venus replied, not pushing him away, but not responding to his caress either. "This is the only way." She repeated that phrase like a hallowed mantra.
"The only way..." the Time Lord parroted quietly. "If only I were stronger!" Xadium suddenly exploded, the venom of his voice stunning even Venus, who jerked back instinctively. In all the years they were together, Xadium had never once taken that tone with her.
"This is all my fault," Xadium continued, not even looking to Venus, his fists balling up. "Not once-- EVER, have I been able to protect you. Never. I'm merely a burden."
"You made that device that let us sleep for a while," Venus replied, trying to sound comforting. But the steely cool of her voice made the words sound mocking, taunting to the incensed Time Lord.
"Oh, yes!" Xadium exclaimed, getting up off the bed and pacing. "Xadium the glorified Toymaker! Watch as he reverses the polarity of the Neutron Flow to do ABOLUTELY NOTHING OF CONSEQUENCE. That little device blew up, in case you don't recall. That's why we spend our nights screaming!"
"I thought that was for other reasons, koibito," Venus said smoothly, rising and standing behind Xadium, pressing herself against his back and putting her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder and breathing in his ear seductively.
Again with the distraction, Xadium noted, pulling himself away from her somewhat abruptly. He wasn't going to let her let him off the hook so easily.
Venus was actually slightly shocked. Her husband usually never resisted her overtures, and as Sailor Venus she was even more appealing physically. His great anger was clear-- but it was not an anger aimed at her. It was aimed within.
Xadium spun to face her, locking his gaze with hers, and putting his hands on her shoulders, grabbing her slightly. The look in his eyes was wild, afraid. "You mean everything to me, do you understand? There is nothing left for me in this universe. Everyone I have ever cared about has either died, betrayed me, or forgotten me, except for you." He cast his gaze over her whole body, "You're not just some object to me, to be used for pleasure and then discarded, or just another warm body in a baker's dozen of others. You, Aino Minako, are the ONLY person in CREATION that I really give a damn about, and I see you before me, dying before my eyes, a piece at a time!"
Venus did not reply. If the words registered in the depths of her mind, she did not say anything. When she did speak, however, the words were cold, and unexpected.
"I don't love you, Xadium."
Xadium stood there silently for a moment, just processing the words which seemed to flow from her lips so easily.
"There is nothing here for you," Venus followed up coldly. "Aino Minako is gone."
"No, no," Xadium said slowly, his mind blunted by the force of her declaration, but not stopped. "that's far too pat."
"Tell yourself whatever will make you feel better," Venus replied.
Xadium didn't know what to think. Was she bluffing did she want me gone is she gone oh gods is it too late have I lost her what do I do now this is a lie no it's true it can't be true i reject it please don't let it be true I can't live without her.
Xadium was frozen. He had never felt this way before. He was a Time Lord, a being used to dealing with vast powers on their own ground, moving solar systems and planetary political systems around like pawns on a cosmic chessboard. He had looked the greatest evils in the universe in the eye and never blinked. His mental fortitude was second to none. Physically he was no fighter, but mentally he was unmatched. Until now. Doctor Xadium, Time Lord of the Planet Gallifrey, reduced to a paralysis of panic, brought low, crushed and conquered by that one tiny emotion, that one feeling in all of creation he had unthinkingly unleashed so many years ago and now could not control. He had been ground to a halt by, of all things, cursed, damnable, love.
Or more precisely, the loss of it.
Venus stood there, outwardly implacable, expressionless, golden eyes staring blankly at her stunned husband.
Internally, however, she was a shambles. Her stomach was a twisted knot of gnawing pain. Venus, the Goddess of Love, was inflicting pain on the one she loved. It was a bitter, sick irony, and she knew it all too well.
Even though her temporary personality of this life was crumbling and cracking, it was not, as Xadium has supposed, being totally lost. It was blending with, and being overshadowed by, the older, wiser, more primal essence of Venus. The drop of water was returning to the ocean that had spawned it. They were, after all, two facets of the same oversoul. What hurt one, hurt the other. What one loved, the other loved as well.
And love Xadium she did. She had had many crushes and infatuations over the years, and indeed Xadium was the quiet, shy type (around women, anyway) that she would have summarily overlooked. It had taken the intervention of a mind-bending enemy from Xadium's planet to trick her into falling in love with him.
But the false seed had given root to a genuine affection, as she had finally found someone who accepted her for who she was totally, without reservation or criticism. Her foibles enchanted him and her malaprops made him smile. She could do just about anything, no matter how scatterbrained, and Xadium would take it in stride and cherish her all the more. He was one of the few who saw past her silly exterior to the serious, vulnerable girl underneath. Hell, he even appreciated her devious streak. With him she was happy and totally at ease. And now, because of the new enemy, she would have to cast him from her life. It was the only way to keep him alive.
"I hate weak men," Venus said flatly.
Xadium did not reply. His head was tilted so that his hair shadowed his eyes, masking his expression.
"It was a mistake ever marrying the likes of you. I don't know what I was thinking."
Xadium just stood there.
Say something, damn you, Venus wanted to scream. She wanted him to become angry, enraged, bitter. She needed him to take offense, push her away, reject her. Oddly, it would have made her feel better-- the pain of his bitterness stinging her heart would be a kind of equivalent exchange for the hell she knew she was putting him through at the moment.
"i see," Xadium said meekly, staggering a bit, turning away from her, his posture broken.
He's just giving up, Venus thought angrily, for a moment. Did I mean that little to him?! He was going to walk away? The little bit of Minako that was still within her was livid with this apparent betrayal. But even as she thought this, she knew it would never be. He wasn't that kind of a man. Especially not to her. He was walking away not because he loved her too little; rather it was the opposite. If she told him to leave her life, he would, without reservation. Such was his respect for her feelings and sovereignty as a person. His stubborness only kicked in when he thought he was protecting her.
In a way it was so charming. There he was, like a little puppy, daring to think that he could protect someone who, if she wanted to, could atomize him in an instant. And... she had just kicked that puppy to the curb.
"Goodbye," Xadium said weakly, going to the bedroom door, reaching for the doorhandle, but missing it, his tears interfering with his vision.
Venus felt physically ill. But she knew that if he opened that door, got in his TARDIS and left, he would live. He might be an emotional wreck, but he would live.
"You mean everything to me, do you understand? There is nothing left for me in this universe."
Those words echoed in Venus' mind as she watched Xadium finally gain hold of the doorknob, starting to turn it.
"It was... an honor to have met you," Xadium said sullenly, not even looking at her as he made to open the door. There was an odd, quiet hollowness to his voice.
He won't live, something said to Venus. He's going to do something stupid!
"Where... will you go...?" Venus asked quietly, trying to sound cold and stern, her voice cracking slightly under the strain. She was beginning to feel a queasy panic.
"Everyone I have ever cared about has either died, betrayed me, or forgotten me, except for you... You, Aino Minako, are the ONLY person in CREATION that I really give a damn about..."
Venus felt the words screaming at her from her memory even as Xadium quietly replied "I'm going... to travel for a while..."
"LIAR!" Venus yelled, surprised at the force of her own words, an outburst born out of raw terror. As the Goddess of Love, she could see into the hearts of others--except for the ones she loved or herself, an amusing irony inherent in her powers. But for one instant, she had overcome the interference from her own emotions, and she had seen into Xadium's heart.
There had been nothing. A broken, shattered void, imploding. A cold hell that only sought one thing-- annihilation.
Before Xadium could say anything, Venus had bounded across the room in one step, grabbed him by the shoulders, spun him around, and flung him onto the bed violently. It was not so much a desire to seduce as it was to get him away from the door, to stop him from walking out, stop him from doing what he had been planning.
Xadium bounced against the mattress and laid still, looking up in a kind of distant daze. It was almost as if he had no idea what had happened to him, or just was beyond the point of caring.
"Xadium..." Venus said desperately, her voice quivering. "Answer me." Her eyes flashed a brilliant blue.
The Time Lord looked up at the ceiling. He wanted to speak, but didn't have the energy in him to even generate words. He was drowning in a sea of emotional chaos. He just wanted to will his biofunctions to slow to nil, to stop the pain. Slowly, he began to do just that.
"What are you doing?!" Venus exclaimed, watching her husband starting to become pale and lifeless.
"Bastard!" She yelled. "You always complain about other people giving up, and here you are doing just that!!" She climbed up onto the bed and straddled Xadium, leaning over and slapping him on the face. The report was loud and sharp. Even the traumatized Time Lord couldn't ignore the pain.
"Ow..." he groaned, looking up at Venus, who was hovering above him like some kind of angel. He saw the look of raw terror in her golden-blue eyes, and recognized it as a mirror of his own feelings.
"There's.... still some of you... in there..." Xadium said slowly, smiling a bit, reaching up and cupping Venus' left cheek in his hand, stroking her face affectionately.
Venus didn't shrink from his touch or the feelings that came with it. She couldn't throw them away. They were what she was fighting to protect, damn it. But still, she couldn't let the one person she loved more than her own self be killed because of his stubborn loyalty. Damn him for loving me so completely, she thought to herself half in disgust and gratitude.
Venus took a deep breath and decided to change tactics. As always, be it Ishtar or Minako, she had always plans within plans.
"Baka..." she said softly, honestly, taking Xadium's hand away from her cheek. Slowly, she lowered her hands to the hem of her night dress and slowly lifted it up and over her shoulders, revealing herself to her husband.
Xadium looked up at Venus in all her glory, and could not help but gulp as his throat ran dry. Where moments before his weakness had been due to his emotional shock, now he was weak for a whole host of other reasons.
"W...why..." he croaked as she disrobed him, too weak to even help or hinder her, her stinging words from moments ago still stabbing him in the hearts.
Venus did not answer, choosing instead to hover for a few moments, letting the sight of her properly stun him. She was well aware of the effect she had on her husband, and relished it. Indeed, this night, she was relying on it. When sufficient interest had built, she tossed her long hair forwards, creating a golden cascade of hair that spilled forwards over her shoulders and onto Xadium's chest, creating a zone of privacy within which they were the only two things in the universe.
As the Time Lord gasped at the sensation of her soft hair against his skin, she muttered softly, "Because I love you, idiot," and smiled. She caressed his face, her eyes an odd shade of Gold-tinted blue.
"Minako..." Xadium said quietly, but with surprise, noting her eyes. Something snapped in the back of his mind.
Venus gasped as Xadium suddenly reached up around her neck and pulled her down urgently, yet still somehow gently. Usually the Time Lord was more deliberate in his attentions-- it wasn't like him to rush. He pressed her to him, the touch of their bodies an sudden shock of electric cool amidst the sweltering heat of the dying night.
Kiss after kiss followed, as Xadium desperately pressed his lips to hers. The first kiss was light, a peck on the lips. The next was a little deeper, as he tasted her strawberry-orange lipgloss. The next kisses went further, but none lingered. They were quick, deep, hungry strikes, with tounges touching for mere moments before parting again. Venus was almost too stunned to breathe. Xadium was never like this with her... he was usually slow, respectful, even reverent with her person. Tonight, however, it was as if he was in a terrible, panicked rush, but one not born of lust.
"Koibito," Venus exhaled huskily, pushing against her husband's chest and raising herself up slightly, putting herself nose-to-nose with her husband, "What's wrong?" The rhythm was all wrong. It wasn't unpleasant, but it wasn't... the way they did things, even when they were giddy with anticipation.
She locked gazes with the Time Lord. His look was wild, desperate. She barely had time to process what she saw in his eyes when he brought his hands up around her back, fingerails digging in as he pulled her down and rolled her over. It was all she could do to gasp in surprise as he began to kiss her again, ravenously, breaking off only to pay attention to the rest of her with similar delicate haste.
Venus was stunned and out of her depth for once. Usually she was the initiator, the one who would gently coax her shy husband out of his shell until things had gone fairly far, but tonight the pattern was totally shattered, and she found herself buffeted about by the trifecta of his touch, the amplified pleasures her senshi body registered, and the waves of raw emotion her husband was putting out.
It's not lust at all, she realized. There was a longing coming from him, yes-- but not a longing for the pleasure of the flesh. Even as his hands roved over her, bringing them both greater and greater pleasure, his emotions were those of fear, love, panic and terror.
Venus had no time to contemplate this as her husband suddenly kissed her passionately, deeply, knocking the breath out of her, The kiss breaking as she suddenly gasped sharply, her neck arching back involuntarily.
"Minako..." Xadium moaned as felt Venus' nails dig into his back sharply, clawing slight trails as they dragged down. "Minako..." he repeated the name, holding onto it as tightly as he held onto Venus. Xadium pressed as close as he could to his wife, their sacred union not enough for him. He so desperately wanted to push past blood and bone, to truly unite with the other half of his soul, to reach the only thing that mattered to him. "Mi~~nako...!"
Venus, for her part, did not even register the name, even in the midst of her rapidly mounting ecstacy. "Xadium...!" she screamed. "Oh, Kami-sama-- Xadium!" While her body cried out the phrase in pleasure, her mind was crying it out in agonized grief. There was no turning back now. She knew what she had to do, and damn her to hell for it.
"Oh~....MINAKO!" Xadium cried out shuddering and, joining Venus in the blinding white heat of their total union, clutching her to him as strongly as he could. For a microsecond, neither could tell where the one ended and the other began. But the moment was all too fleeting. Even at the moment he had become one with her, Xadium had caught a glimpse of his wife's solid golden eyes rolling back in ecstatic bliss. Sadly,he knew that the woman he had deperately wanted to hold onto this night had slipped away from him forever.
"Minako...." he exhaled sadly as he rested his head on Venus' soft bosom and slipped into a refractive slumber.
Venus ran her hands through her husband's hair softly, watching his head rise and fall with her every breath. It was so odd. Three years ago they were total strangers to one another, yet now they were as one-- two parts of the same whole, physically and spiritually. Neither could ever be whole without the other again. Such was the miracle of love-- and its greatest curse.
Gently, Venus rolled Xadium over, looking down at his sleeping, still flushed, form. Briefly, she brushed her lips against his, lingering long enough to taste them for what she expected would be the last time.
She had to force herself to remember she was doing this for love.
Slowly, brushed aside her matted hair, reaching under her pillow for a silk handkerchief and a small bottle.
She smiled as she looked at the elaborate silk handkerchief. Xadium had gone back to 10th century China to get it for her, as a simple token of affection, just to express his joy at being able to be with her. And now she was about to use his gift against him.
Slowly, coldly, methodically, she opened the bottle of Chloroform, depositing its contents into the cloth. With a swift motion, she pressed the cloth over Xadium's face, hardening her features and her heart as his body began to spasm, partly from the gassing and partly from another one of the enemy's nightmares.
As the the word "Minako...." escaped the Time Lord's lips, Venus shed a single tear, pressing the cloth harder over his face. It was the only way to save him from the nightmares, and from worrying about her, she told herself. As she watched Xadium's spent body weakly twitch and jerk, finally giving up as it was smothered into unconsciousness, she hoarsely whispered, "Please... forget me."
It was the only way.