Suburban Senshi IRC Chat #662: “ Future Shock! Destroy the Miracle Romance!! ”
#662: “Future Shock! Destroy the Miracle Romance!!”

*** Now talking in #suburbansenshi *** Topic is '-= Did you think we forgot? =-'
[12:42] <> It is the year 9000
[12:45] <> A sharp scraping sound heralds the appearance of a sleek silver monolith in the midst of a dilapitated landscape of crystal.
[12:46] <> Beyond the crystal the massive spires of Neo-Tokyo 19 rise, overshadowing this land that time and history has all but forgotten.
[12:47] <> A door opens in the monolith, and out steps a beautiful young woman who appears to be in her late teens, but the look in her deep brown eyes betrays a wisdom that should be far beyond her years.
[12:50] <> Her long blonde hair whipping in the breeze, she makes her way to a secluded nook in the ruins of a once-great crystal city, known only to a select few. Her eyes cannot adjust to the deep blackness she finds within. It is eerily silent, only the sounds of her twin hearts beating nervously letting her know that time still flows here.
[12:52] <?> at last she is here
[12:55] < > A voice cuts through the darkness. One filled with strength and power, one which has cat fear into the hearts of even dark space gods. But the young woman is unafraid. In a voice where others found cold hostility, she found warmth. She knew all too well the sound of this voice. The voice of her tutor, mentor, counselor and friend.
[12:55] < The Young Woman> "Hello, r-chan."
[12:57] < 3.14> Irasshai Sakura X. Aino
[12:57] * S.X. Aino smiles
[12:58] <S.X. Aino> You don't have to be so formal with me, r-chan ^_^ ♡ I haven't seen you in over 800 years.
[12:58] < 3.14> 834.7256 years
[12:59] <S.X. Aino> 834.72563 years, to be precise ^_~
[12:59] * 3.14 was rounding :P
[13:00] * S.X. Aino is not one to be debated on matters of time ^_^
[13:00] < 3.14> how do i appear
[13:01] <S.X. Aino> Just like you did the last time I saw you, as youthful as ever... I think your eyes are new, though, aren't they??
[13:01] * 3.14 nods
[13:02] < 3.14> have you come to collect me
[13:02] <S.X. Aino> Yup... sorry I'm a little late, but stuff got in the way hehehehe
[13:02] < 3.14> You are 50 years late _;
[13:03] <S.X. Aino> Aww Come on, to you and me that's like what, 5 minutes??
[13:03] * 3.14 chuckles and stands, her blue-green eyes piercing the darkness.
[13:06] < > the inside of the cavern is slowly illuminated by's mental command. It is a spartan room decked out in ancient early 20th century japanese traditional style. There is a small tea set in the corner, as well as a picture of's extended family (Ten'ou Haruka and friends, as well as several generations of their descendents)
[13:08] <S.X. Aino> Geez, this place hasn't changed since I used to come here for education back as a little kid, back when Serenity II had banned formal education in favour of her idiotic "home schooling" initiative... don't you ever redecorate??
[13:09] < 3.14> you know me better than that
[13:11] <S.X. Aino> Well, it's too risky to keep you here now, the Butlerian Jihads are gonna start soon, and besides, we're all tired of only talking to you by sub-ether-net.... but before we go...
[13:12] * S.X. Aino casts her eyes around the room wistfully, and sits before the tea-set, cross-legged
[13:12] * S.X. Aino has a twinkle in her eye
[13:12] <S.X. Aino> Can you tell me a story like in the old days, r-chan?? ♡
[13:13] * 3.14 smiles slightly and pours some tea for her adopted "daughter" and best pupil, and sits.
[13:14] < 3.14> what tale would you like to hear
[13:16] <S.X. Aino> Hmm... I dunno... let's see... hmm... heheh, how about the time Hotaru-P and Jeddy got together and decided to dump a monkey in Serenity II's works?? I always love that one!!
[13:17] < 3.14> "throw a monkeywrench..."
[13:17] <S.X. Aino> Hmm, yes, that too I suppose...
[13:17] <S.X. Aino> It happened back around the time Mom and Pop were on Honeymoon, right?
[13:17] < 3.14> yes
[13:18] < 3.14> but your parents not involved
[13:19] < 3.14> it was an old plan
[13:20] <S.X. Aino> Wasn't Serenity III involved too?? I mean back before she got forcibly mind-corrected in the great restoration...
[13:20] < 3.14> you know this full well
[13:21] < 3.14> but her perversions needed
[13:21] < 3.14> without them plan fail
[13:22] <S.X. Aino> r-chan, one thing I've always wanted to know... why do you talk in haiku when I know full well you can reprogram yourself??
[13:22] * 3.14 shrugs
[13:23] < 3.14> it keeps me distinctive. if i speak more or less normally, you wouldn't have paid as much attention to the depth and meaning of my words. besides which, it is in tribute to my very first revision, which was hard-limited to very strict syntactic rules.
[13:24] <S.X. Aino > Whoah... verbosity
[13:24] < 3.14> do not get used to it child
[13:25] <S.X. Aino > heh
[13:25] * S.X. Aino 's watch beeps
[13:25] <S.X. Aino > Fratz... r-chan, we have to go soon, but we've still got time, can you dump that log for me??
[13:26] * 3.14 notes that back in the old time, Haruka Ten'ou would have made a very off-color joke about that turn of phrase, but says nothing to Sakura.
[13:26] < 3.14> loading for playback
[13:27] * 3.14 changes topic to `Thousands of Years ago in a house fairly close to here...`
[13:34] * FireFly_9 sits in her room, reading "This is the Way the World Ends."
[13:34] * FireFly_9 hears a knock on her door
[13:35] <FireFly_9> Come in...
[13:35] * The door opens, and Jedite stands there.
[13:35] <FireFly_9> Jedite? You've never come to my room before...
[13:36] * // J_Daito // is stern
[13:36] <// J_Daito //> Tomoe, with those two gone, we finally have free reign. is too distracted with her other duties to stop us.
[13:36] * FireFly_9 nods
[13:36] <// J_Daito //> It is time.
[13:37] <FireFly_9> Yes.
[13:38] * // J_Daito // sweeps Tomoe in his strong, muscular arms and kisses her deeply. Hotaru blushes and kisses back passionately, pulling Jedite down onto her bed, ready to surrender herself to her sublimated passions... ♡
[13:38] * S.X. Aino changes topic to `What the frelling hell?! `
[13:39] < 3.14> gomen data corruption
[13:39] <S.X. Aino> LOL I see you kept all those romance novel Flash RAMs you once chastised me for having in my Personal Datapet... heh!!
[13:40] * 3.14 blushes a little then narrows her eyes. "ludicrous"
[13:40] <S.X. Aino> Hah Mom always said you were a romantic at heart
[13:41] < 3.14 > feh
[13:41] < 3.14 > defragmenting
[13:41] < 3.14 > your mother she knew nothing
[13:41] < 3.14 > loading log for play
[13:41] * 3.14 changes topic to `Thousands of Years ago in a house fairly close to here...`
[13:34] * FireFly_9 sits in her room, reading "This is the Way the World Ends."
[13:34] * FireFly_9 hears a knock on her door
[13:41] <FireFly_9> Come in...
[13:35] * The door opens, and Jedite stands there.
[13:41] <FireFly_9> Jedite? You've never come to my room before...
[13:36] * // J_Daito // is stern
[13:41] <// J_Daito //> Tomoe, with those two gone, we finally have free reign. is too distracted with her other duties to stop us.
[13:36] * FireFly_9 nods
[13:41] <// J_Daito //> It is time.
[13:42] <FireFly_9> Yes.
[13:43] <// J_Daito //> The deadly alliance we forged so long ago must now be put into operation. That Setsuna-woman is ogling me in secret, and I know her repressed desire will once again explode into her making my life a living hell
[13:44] * FireFly_9 scowls
[13:44] <// J_Daito //> Hmph. Neo-Queen Stupidity seemed to have her in check in exile at the Time Gate, why did she have to banish her to the past.
[13:45] <FireFly_9> Well Setsuna-momma was peeping on her and Endymion via the gate...
[13:45] <// J_Daito //> Bah, you know that's propaganda, Endymion was always "flowery" in more ways than just his speech and his battle tactics.
[13:46] <FireFly_9> If that was so, then why did Setsuna-momma desire him so? And how did Chibiusa come about?
[13:47] <// J_Daito //> Setsuna was a lonely old fogey stuck with guarding a damn DOOR for 10,000 years. She was *desperate*. I mean sheesh, she LIKED the company of the Spore Child... think about it.
[13:47] <FireFly_9> Chibiusa-chan is my best friend.
[13:47] <// J_Daito //> And you're a lonely, repressed introvert with scant human contact-- see a pattern here?
[13:47] <FireFly_9> I hate you.
[13:47] <// J_Daito //> I'll take that as a "yes".
[13:48] * // J_Daito // smirks
[13:48] <FireFly_9> You self-righteous, supercillious, smug--
[13:48] <// J_Daito //> My? Flattery from Tomoe? Be still my black heart!
[13:48] <FireFly_9> Grr.
[13:49] <// J_Daito //> As for the birth of Spore, the manga tells the tale. She was a junior high kid filled with dreams of Shoujo Manga. He shows up a college dude in a Tux, *bang* instant seduction.
[13:49] <FireFly_9> Well if he was so "flowery" why the seduction?
[13:51] <// J_Daito //> Becuase at FIRST he was ok, being reborn and amnesiac from the car accident. But after the memories of Fiore woke up and Nephelina-tachi had their way with his brain, well, let's just say he'd be right at home in the "fruit" aisle.
[13:51] <FireFly_9> ...
[13:52] <// J_Daito //> But NQS was SOO Jealous, and unable to admit she had made a bad mating decision (I mean how many other immortal guys hang around her? NONE!) That she just HAD to keep him to herself, casting out all who even LOOKED at him.
[13:52] <FireFly_9> That would further the illusion of a satisfying relationship...
[13:53] <// J_Daito //> And the thing was, Setsuna was willing to take him as he was, just to have the illusion of "having" the King at her beck and call
[13:54] <FireFly_9> But then Usagi-san found the Spam Emails and bought her man Viagra and Cialis...
[13:55] <// J_Daito //> Bingo. Instant gratification. He was a MAN again, and liked it. So did she, obviously. And so all threats had to be banished from the realm, so Setsuna was sent here, as well as Sporechild Pink.
[13:56] <FireFly_9> That's all ancient history. The question is how do we move from here to our goal of making Mamoru Chiba a "free" target for both Chibiusa and Setsuna again my destroying this renewed "Miracle Romance".
[17:53] <// J_Daito //> The answer, dear Senshi of Ruin, is quite simple. We use Serenity's weakness against her.
[17:54] <FireFly_9> What weakness? She wields the power of the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou. Even given her intellectual... limitations, that's still a formidable force. She's even banned all time travel to and from the 30th century...
[17:57] <// J_Daito //> Yes, she's a worse god-moder than that beefed-up rei-bot, who WILL one day be my incredibly HOT girlfriend once more, but she still has weaknesses. As a Dark General, I have been trained to seek out and understand the flaws in my prey.
[17:57] <FireFly_9> Pardon me, but were you not the one who got run over by an airplane and then flash frozen?
[17:58] * // J_Daito // twitches
[17:58] <// J_Daito //> That was a tad sharper and indelicate than usual, Tomoe.
[17:58] * FireFly_9 frowns
[17:59] <// J_Daito //> Back then I was fettered by "genius" Beryl's master plan. Now, I have come into my own.
[17:59] * // J_Daito // produces a piece of paper.
[18:00] * The paper reads: "Neo Queen Serenity: Weaknesses: Needs food constantly. Is easily made jealous. Limited imagination. Overly romanticized view of Reality."
[18:00] <FireFly_9> Hmm.
[18:01] * // J_Daito // enfolds himself in his cape and spins in a cool haze of CGI.
[18:01] <FireFly_9> _;
[18:01] * // J_Daito // stops spinning, and looks almost exactly like Tuxedo Mask
[18:01] <FireFly_9> O_o;
[18:03] * Jed. Mask hands Tomoe a @ }-,-'--
[18:03] * FireFly_9 feels her heart skip a beat
[18:04] * Jed. Mask 's teeth glints
[18:04] <Jed. Mask> (Suavely) So... Hotaru... do I cause you to *sweat* with desire?
[18:05] <FireFly_9> ...N-No, of course not, you fool.
[18:05] <Jed. Mask> Heh
[18:05] <Jed. Mask> 9/10ths of Bishoujo are reflexively seductible by the bishounen in the Tuxedo.
[18:06] * FireFly_9 growls "I am NOT Bishoujo!"
[18:06] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> hsssssssssssssssh
[18:06] <FireFly_9> Eh?
[18:06] <Jed. Mask> As expected.
[18:07] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> hsssssssssssssssssssssssh
[18:07] <FireFly_9> That sound...
[18:07] <Jed. Mask> Yes... the sound of a spore in heat on the prowl for man-meat
[18:08] <FireFly_9> You rhymed like Elios... _;
[18:15] <Jed. Mask> No, I was being poetic like the masked buffon Mamoru.
[18:15] <FireFly_9> You still have some ways to go...
[18:17] * .`~SugaBB_2999~`. leepz for taxedo mack!!11
[18:17] * Jed. Mask is glomped, but takes it suavely
[18:18] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> /mi snaffs mack in da critch
[18:18] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> wat da fick?! ur nit mai popa!!1
[18:18] <FireFly_9> You know your father's... crotch scent?!
[18:19] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> wat dnt u?!
[18:19] <FireFly_9> OF COURSE NOT
[18:19] * Jed. Mask is now known as // J_Daito //
[18:19] <// J_Daito //> heh
[18:20] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> U FACKER I'LL KALL U!!1
[18:20] <// J_Daito //> No, you'll *date* me
[18:20] * FireFly_9 facefaults
[18:21] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> da hall i wall, fackar!11
[18:21] <// J_Daito //> You will... because it will make your mother insane with jealousy when she sees you dating "her man".
[18:21] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> shshshshsh god idear, i lak 2 pass off ugasi
[18:22] * FireFly_9 begins to understand at least this part of it... heh
[18:22] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> bat si blicked tim tarval 2 da futar... i culd uz mai 2 slivar kistalz bat sid notise
[18:23] <// J_Daito //> No need, spore. You people all think too literally. Do you remember that time long ago you posted candid gossip about us and I arrived at your house in the future to kick your ass?
[18:25] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> _; ya bich, u gat mi vavsisacted aftar dat
[18:25] * FireFly_9 chuckles a bit at the memory of the vivisection
[18:25] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> BICH IM UR BAST FRAND
[18:25] <FireFly_9> You had been incredibly rude, Chibiusa.
[18:26] <// J_Daito //> At any rate, I got there using a primitve form of Time Travel which we will now again employ. It will take us there at the rate of 1 second per second.
[18:29] <FireFly_9> _;
[18:29] * // J_Daito // teleports everyone to his lair in the subsubbasement and points to a "Tomoe Labs" Cryo-capsule in the floor
[18:30] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> lami gat dis strait, u gats obsolate komputar sit in ur rom an yat u gats a hi tech slep capsuala?
[18:30] <// J_Daito //> I use it to hide from the setsuna-woman when she is in heat
[18:30] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> hshshshs
[18:30] <FireFly_9> ugh
[18:31] <// J_Daito //> This will be undetected by "her majesty". When we're done, we'll time travel to ah hour after we left, so history won't record a gap of our absence.
[18:31] <.`~SugaBB_2999~`.> holy si tu thot dis sit al out din't u buich?
[18:32] <// J_Daito //> I am a *General*. I'm paid to think on the battlefield.
[18:33] * // J_Daito // climbs into the castle, with Tomoe and Spore flanking him
[18:33] * FireFly_9 feels nervous as the capsule closes. Must be the claustrophobic surroundings.
[18:34] * AS everyone drops into cryosleep, the last thing they hear is Jedite saying "Next stop, the 30th Century".
[18:34] * If they had been awake one second longer they would have heard an ominous low chuckle.
[18:35] * 3.14 changes topic to `pause playback`
[18:36] <S.X. Aino> Aww, you ALWAYS stop at the part with the ominous chuckle... I L♡VE it when you reveal who that is!
[18:37] * 3.14 hears an explosion in the distance
[18:37] * S.X. Aino leaps to her feet, eyes narrowed.
[18:38] <S.X. Aino> Damn, the Butlerians started earlier than I thought
[18:39] * S.X. Aino raises her hand into the air
[18:39] * S.X. Aino is now known as Sailor Galaxy V
[18:40] * @spiritflame gets up
[18:40] * 3.14 gets up
[18:40] * 3.14 's eyes flash blue-green
[18:41] < 3.14> mars crystal power make up
[18:41] * 3.14 is known as
[18:42] <Sailor Galaxy V> I guess the story will have to wait. Damn!
[18:44] < > it wil continue
*** Disconnected