Suburban Senshi Chat #1807 - “Decision Point #1”
#1807 “Decision Point #1”

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SUBURBAN SENSHI YEAR NINE:
DECISION POINT #1

By Dr. Xadium, Raihosha, Yaijinden, TheLastLaugh and UltraMatt, with input from a VERY SPECIAL GUEST.

"This is it? This is everyone that could be bothered to show up?"

There was a creaking sound as Jedite slowly rotated his high-backed chair around to face the group assembled before him, separated from them by an ornate obsidian table.

"The suddenly-literate turnip head, the inchoate Lesbian who hides her tendencies through a love affair with a man who prefers his beavers literal and Aquatic, and Fussy McPregnant face?"

He cast his gaze across Chibiusa, Makoto, and Michiru with sheer boredom, only letting his gaze linger long enough to appreciate Makoto's talents. As the women's expressions twisted into incensed rage, he smiled with pleasure. He did his best to avoid the gaze of hino rei.bot, who was leaning on the wall, just behind the group, electric-blue eyes stone-cold and unblinking. Jedite had deliberately avoided provoking her, which was wise. In retrospect, he probably should have avoided irking Makoto as well, as the girl had decided to leap over the table and begin smashing his head into the back of his chair while screaming obscenities.

Michiru watched the bloody spectacle dimly for a few moments and sighed. She felt Chibiusa nudge her in the elbow, and looked down at the girl.

"Where's Haruka-san?" Chibiusa asked tiredly, looking around for signs of her him.

Michiru shook her head. "All his bravado and 'Japanese Bad-Ass' ways vanished the moment the pregnancy was confirmed. He's curled up in a fetal position in the back seat of my car, possibly sucking his thumb."

"A typical man," Chibiusa agreed, sighing.

There was an energy blast, and Jedite had blown Makoto off of him with a large discharge of Dark ki. Makoto backflipped and landed on her feet, giving Jedite the finger.

"You're quite the little Street Fighter, aren't you, Juggs no Senshi?" Jedite mocked.

"Look," Makoto growled. "If yer gonna waste my time, I need to get back to Ami-chan. She's drooling in her food over there." Makoto looked over to the dining table of Ten'ou House, where Ami was face down in her oatmeal, an air-bubble forming and popping with a "Derp" sound.

"Don't worry, we're going to save your lover," Jedite taunted. "After all, no one wants Sailor Idiot's reign of terror to go on one second longer than it has to."

"We're NOT LIKE THAT!" Makoto protested, flailing. "No matter WHAT the internet says!"

"Seriously, though," Jedite sighed, drumming his fingers on the desk. "Quite possibly the greatest threat to humanity EVER has arrived in the form of an Idiot Future Queen with REAL. UNLIMITED. POWER. and the emotional maturity of a six-year-old, and NOBODY ELSE could be bothered to show up for the strategy meeting?"

"Hotaru-chan is hiding from Mamo-chan," Chibiusa replied slowly. "Now that she's underage she's just his type. And Tomoe-hakase is too 'busy' with Mimete to show up, and I dunno where everyone else is."

Jedite looked over at rei.bot. She was the only one with such an excess of power that the Silver Crystal would do absolutely nothing to her, but the blasted miko was avowedly neutral, claiming that her actions would only serve to disrupt the 'harmony of reality'. He gritted his teeth, realizing that he envied her power, and he had been the one who initially built her.

"Anyway," Jedite continued. "We need a plan. Tsukino the Elder has already turned Ten'ou into a man, who in turned got Kaioh pregnant due to his inability to control himself. She's retconned an entire marriage. She's powered up Sailor Insano--- err, Pluto, turned Goth no Senshi into a kid, Lobotomized Sailor Dorkury and made Turnip head here emo."

"Well she can't use the Silver Crystal without concentrating, yes?" Michiru enquired. "So I believe we should do our best to debilitate her through distraction."

"Ya mean like feeding her your week-old cooking?" Makoto half-joked.

Michiru glared at her.

"No trying to kill momma!" Chibiusa pleaded.

Michiru fumed.

"We could always convince her Chulthu has insulted her somehow, looked at her wrong with one of his billion eyes, or something," Jedite mused. "Then when they're tied up fighting, we take the advantage and deal with her."

"Didn't you flay him and wear his flesh like a suit nine years ago?" Michiru asked.

"Old Ones always come back," Jedite muttered annoyedly.

"We should lock her in a glass box with onions, mace and sad pictures so that she cries and cries like she always does until she drowns," Chibiusa intoned darkly, as everyone shot her incredulous looks.

"I thought you said no killing her!" Makoto protested.

"THAT WAS BEFORE I SAW THIS ON YOUTUBE!" Chibiusa held up an iPad showing a drunken Usagi cosplaying as herself at a con with a fake Chibiusa-- a badly costumed three-year old who clearly had no idea what was happening to him-- by her side.

"Impressed," Jedite said to the young girl, nodding in approval.

Michiru, for her part, merely sighed. Making a grand gesture, she pointed at Chibiusa. "Dears, I say here lies our best chance of victory-- after all, does not Chibiusa-chan also hold the Mystical Imperium Illusory Silver Crystal Ginzuishou?"

"Is that its full name," Jedite mused. "I'd wondered about that."

"I'm too depressed at sounding like an illterate fool to do anything with it," Chibiusa lamented. "I don't have the will."

Presently, Jedite, Makoto, Chibiusa and Michiru began to argue, each completely convinced their idea was the best, none willing to give ground.

After watching the spectacle for a few minutes, rei.bot finally stopped leaning on the wall and asked "what are you all going to do?"

"Fight to the death, and whoever wins gets to implement their idea!" Jedite offered with glee.

"no," rei.bot said flatly, putting an end to that line of thought.

"We are at an impasse, dear," Michiru finally admitted. "Four people with four votes. We need to break the tie. Which plan do you endorse?"

rei.bot shook her head. "it is not for me to judge. i must remain neutral."

"Then who?" Makoto asked. "There's no one else here!"

"incorrect," rei.bot said slowly, as if broaching some long-held secret. "there have always been... others."

Everyone turned to look at her askance.

"Explain yourself," Michiru demanded.

rei.bot merely took a few steps away from everyone and then drew her arm back as if to make a strike. The others reflexively stepped back, and the miko slammed her open palm forward, striking seemingly empty air with force enough to generate a thunderclap.

As everyone watched agape, the air itself cracked, shattering like so much sugar glass, splitting and dropping into shards, revealing... you.

"...Who the hell is THAT?!" Chibiusa asked in shock, leering.

"they have always been watching," rei.bot said slowly. "watching us."

"That is PERVERTED!" Makoto yelled, peering across the hole in the air.

"not like that," rei.bot sighed, exasperatedly, before adding quietly, "well mostly not like that."

Jedite merely took it all in stride, while Michiru's Ikuhara perfection field reflexively kicked in, making her look stunning, gorgeous, perfect, and bathing everyone in the room with sakura petals. The musical chorus started, and Jedite promptly slew them.

"you are the deciding vote," rei.bot said, looking right at you. "you can decide what happens next."



decision point!


Which plan do we go with?

  • Makoto's idea of feeding Usagi Michiru's Week-old cooking?
  • Jedite's idea of getting Usagi in a fight with Cthulhu?
  • Chibiusa's idea of getting her mom to cry herself to death.
  • Michiru's idea of getting Chibiusa to take on her mom, Crystal to Crystal?


Cast your vote here, yes you'll need a forums account but they're free and you'll get to interact with everybody else. (and there's going to be more decision points to come!) It's been nine years, join in XD! Where else can you actually change the fate of all the Suburban Senshi?

VOTING FOR THIS DECISION POINT ENDS AUGUST 31









 






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<GERMATOID> MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SORRY ABOUT ALL THOSE TIMES I KILLED YOU, HOTARU-CHAN!
<FireFly_9> ... Times?

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