#144: “The funniest Damn Wrestling Column Ever”

*** Now talking in #suburbansenshi
*** Topic is '-= Time to Pay the Game =-' .
<--=[ SpeedRcrX ]=--> I saw this on PWtorch.com and just had to steal it. I think that any WWE fan in the audience will appreciate this hilarious rant on Triple H and the other insane doings at Titan Towers.

"Speaking of The Game, I found an old Sunday Night Heat Triple H action figure on clearance at Toys-B-Us. Since my son (Kyle) didn't have a Triple H, I grabbed it for Christmas. I can honestly say, had I understood the consequences, I'd have put it down and bought the Billy Gunn doll instead.

First off, as soon as we took it out of the pack it starting getting bigger. Next, someone cut the hair off of the RVD and Edge figures. Further, Kyle can't make singles matches involving Edge or RVD anymore. Every time he tries, the other one appears. Apparently, they are now an inseparable tag team.

We tried beating the Triple H figure with the Undertaker, but UT will only fight the Giant now. We tried beating him with Kurt Angle, but the Angle doll just does pratfalls and comedy bits. We tried the Rock, but if you turn away for even a second, Rocky lets Triple H pin him. We even tried injuring Triple H by taping a lit firecracker to his leg. While we were able to blow his leg clean off, he still insisted that he was more than capable of carrying the main event match with only one leg, citing something called a "Tenacious Z" as an example.

This Triple H figure is also impossible to lose. My son got mad because it wouldn't do what he told it to. He threw it under his bed, expecting never to see it again. Later, he pulled the Vincent K. McMahon figure out of his toy box, and wouldn't you know it, there's the Triple H figure stuck to the back of it.

We have had difficulty finding other figures since the Triple H arrived. For instance, the Raven figure keeps popping up in the trash, the old ECW Chris Candido figure hasn't been seen in months (although the Sunny figure now accompanies Triple H to the ring), and somebody mailed the Vampiro doll to an address in Mexico (we found the delivery confirmation receipt taped to the Super Crazy figure with a hand-scrawled "You're Next!").

Kyle has a very realistic Scott Steiner figure (absolutely no moving parts), but it keeps breaking every time we try to play with it. It's not as bad as the Kevin Nash figure, which falls to pieces as soon as you remove the packaging, but it's still not gonna beat The Game.

I have noticed that Kyle doesn't spend as much time playing with the figures as he used to. When I asked him about it, he says it boring. We kept hoping he'd get a Steve Austin figure for his birthday. We thought for sure that would liven things up. He used to have one, but it mysteriously disappeared early last year. If Austin doesn't save us, I don't know what we'll do. Instinctively recognizing that my wife holds the true power in our household, the Triple H doll has started following her around. I have this insane fear that he going to slip something in her coffee and drive her to Vegas. It's nuts, I know. His little feet can't even reach the gas pedal. But still, at the rate he's growing..."


<--=[ SpeedRcrX ]=--> Priceless stuff.
*** Disconnected