Suburban Senshi IRC Chat #1034: “Infinite Crisis: Conclusion”
#1034: “Infinite Crisis: Conclusion”

CONCLUSION

Note: As part of the sitewide Anniversary event, a challenge was set up by the forces of Order and Chaos, wherein chatbox RP participants could do battle as champions for their chosen Suburban Senshi / newcomers. Depending on the outcome, Suburban Senshi history and canon would change forever. The results of that day-long tournament have indeed created whole new possibilities for Suburban Senshi as we enter Year Five. This final part of the Infinite Crisis fic details those changes. Thanks to all the players who participated!

It was all Sakura could do to twist out of the way, several of the shots winging her leather vest and exploding it into shreds, the gleaming metal of an adamantium underplating shining out.

"What the hell?!" She exclaimed, but there was no time to react as a spray of explosive high-caliber bullets exploded the ground near her. Whoever this twisted parody of her old blue-haired self with the goth fashion sense was, she was fast-- fast enough to keep up with the Shunpo fast-walking skill she had learned in Soul Society.

While Sakura ran for her life from the psychotic doppelganger, the distraction was all it took for the others to snap back into action, seizing the moment to try and gain the upper hand on their rivals.

Jedite teleported behind Endymion and wrapped his arm around the King's throat, bending him backward and beginning to choke.

Darkury rushed at Sailor Mars, her sword out, freezing the very air around it almost absolute zero, while Mars, for her part, had a Fire Soul at the ready that was boiling the air around it.

Chibiusa commanded her Mandroids to split into two groups, one sabotaging the Mizunomics Gundams and taking down the Daimon-Youma, the other backing her father against Jedite.

Minako, for her part, guarded Usagi from all comers, watching Sakura run for her life with worry, but not daring to move, because Usagi was, after all, the ruler.

"What the HELL ARE YOU?!" Sakura yelled, doing an aikido-style run up a wall and leaping up over the other Sakura, taking a slash at it with her sword, a ki blast from the blade slicing the back off the android's pretty dress.

"Let me answer your question!" Psycho Sakura twittered, firing a blast at Sakura with amazing speed. Sakura blocked the shot with her sword, and in the interim the android had grabbed a bystander, snapped its neck, carved into its chest "I am the Enlightened Grenadier, the Android Sak", tossed the body, grabbed another bystander, killed her, and finsihed up on her chest with the words "ura April Shinguuji, based off a design stolen from Madame Marciano!"

"How 'SASsy'," Sakura quipped. "A grenadier huh, the lighest enlightened user of the Gun there is..."

"You killed Eudial!!!" Psycho Sakura growled. "My mother! She stole my plans, built me, carefully programmed me with every scrap of YOUR knowledge, and trained me to be everything YOU'RE Not! A master of the gun, a lovely psychotic criminal destructive FREAK! And when you killed the ONE woman I cared for... her lab computer activated," she chuckled darkly, taking aim behind her at something without even looking and squeezing off a high velocity round with perfect aim, "and WOKE ME UP TO KILL YOUR SORRY ASS! HUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"Gun vs. Sword, eh?" Sakura muttered, getting into position and wondering how many MORE anime could get referenced over the course of her story arc.

"Kami-sama, what have I started," Minako asked wide-eyed, as the battles and chaos grew ever more intense, Tokyo in flames, warning sirens going off everywhere, battles on the ground and the air intensifying into hell-filled firestorms.

"You started everything," Haruka noted, sitting back on some concrete and chugging a beer, her words again not her own. "And I don't just mean this fight." She pointed to Sagittarius 0 Star, and somehow Minako could see it clearly in the night sky, the cracked Galaxy Cauldron spewing billions of starseeds and sailor crystals out into space in a beautiful shimmering cloud which was being sucked into a rift.

"Oh no," Minako gasped, seeing the crystals vanish. "They're being destroyed!!"

"Nah," Haruka replied, belching a bit and waving her hand dismissively. "This crisis opened a huge rift in time, space and the multiverse. YOU actually allowed the crystals to escape the cauldron and get where they needed to go. Pretty apt, considering you're Venus, also known as Venus Genetrix, the bringer of life~"

Minako looked at Haruka stunned. At first when she'd met Haruka-san, she'd expected big words to flow from her lips easily. But that was usually the effect of the Ikuhara perfection field, she had learned later. So now, it was such a SHOCK to hear the beer-swilling, lazy, messy Haruka say something big in Latin.

Haruka just looked at her dimly, the glow fading for a sec. "DUDE! I HAVE A BRAIN IN MY MY HEAD YOU KNOW!"

"SO DO I!" Minako yelled back. "I BET I'M CLEVERER THAN YOU!! YOU'RE ALWAYS FIGHTING WITH YOUR FISTS NOT YOUR BRAIN!!"

"OH YEAH!" Haruka yelled. "WELL YOU CREATED THIS!!" She pulled something out of the air.

It was a virtual lookalike of Usagi, the 15-year old Gaijin exchange student, Serena Tsukino. Half-American, Half-Japanese. ALL DITZ.

Minako's jaw dropped. "N-Nani..."

Haruka pointed to the Galaxy Cauldron, where the same phenomenon that had split X and Makoto was also splitting billions upon billions of starseeds and reality itself, cloning them, changing them slightly, depositing them in slightly alternate universes. Some of the ones from Serena's universe fell into our own.

"Yeah, that's RIGHT!" Haruka yelled. "Every time you see an english speaking badly voiced Japanese-looking Mofo named 'Ash' or 'Amara' or some crap, or hear a Saiyajin powering up like he's on the toilet, know it's YOUR FAULT. YOU CREATED THE DUB UNIVERSE!"*

* this explains why Dubs exist, why they can look so similar to the subs at time, why Serena-tachi are in our universe (they're younger because of the time warping effect, their crystals landed about 10 years later or whatever the math is, in America)

"USO!" Minako screeched, paling significantly.*

* Please don't hate her for creating the dub universe.

Suddenly, from somewhere Outside, Mike Nelson, Tom Servo and Crow T Robot yelled in unison "MINAKO CREATED DUBS?! THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!"

"Shut up BAS[BLEEP]ARDS!!" Minako yelled back, finally tired of being mocked.

"So yeah, you had to do it," Glow_Haruka continued, calming down and sipping her beer. "If you hadn't done what you did, none of us would be here."

"So I started the Crisis?" Minako asked, not reacting as six bullets from the gun of Psycho Sakura whizzed right by her, shifting her hair in the breeze.

"No, but you were a big part of it," Haruka replied. "Something else kicked off this whole thing, although, the way the universe works, someone would have done it anyways. Aino Minako, Hal Jordan, it doesn't matter who. It HAD to happen."

"So.. who started it all?" Minako pressed.

"It was---" Haruka began, eyes widening in a panic as she saw something "HOLY SH[BLEEP]!" Psycho Sakura had fired a massive rocket at them, cackling insanely. It was streaking towards them, wobbling in flight and leaving a spiral smoke trail.

"Byes Mawwwwm~" the android cackled, even as Sakura tackled her, using all her strength as a Time Lord and a Senshi.

The next second the rocket shell exploded, crushed in the hand of a new figure that had appeared, blurring into view in front of Minako.

rei.bot.

"Ho~" Psycho Sakura giggled, easily flinging off her flesh-and blood counterpart and smashing her through a wall. "So miko-chan wants to play~?" She spun her guns and pointed them at rei.bot. "Let's play~"

* * *

"Will you pay attention!" Jedite growled as he tried to restrain King Endymion, who was too busy ogling both the downed Neo Queen Serenity and the new arrival "Serena." All Endymion could do was exhale "three-way."

* * *

"itz nat wurth tit, ray-chun!!1" Chibiusa protested, getting in front of Mars, blocking her from Darkury. "I dewnt went 2 c u fiting111!"

"Chibiusa-chan?" Mars looked down at the small girl, who was gripping her pink moon stick.

"i kan wayste dis bich, ray-chun," Chibiusa said confidently. "Ewe sarved undar mai mom'z thamb 4 2 log," she continued. "Ewe war alweyz god 2 mi wen baka ugasi wuld maz wit mai az, sew i'm latting u gew"

"Letting me go?" Mars asked confused.

"Ewe dewnt haf 2 dafand da empyre!" Chibiusa yelled, transforming into Neo Princess Serenity. "Datz mai jib!!!"

Mars was blasted back by the energy of the transformation, as was Darkury. "But I'm the leader of the Imperial Navy!" she protested.

"Fak dat sit," Neo-Princess Serenity laughed "I gatz A spase rack, tayk a vakashun!!111"

"This is no time to get cocky!" Mars protested, but she looked at Chibiusa in a new light. Yes, here was still the same little nigh-illterate hormone with feet, but somehow, inside, she knew the kid still understood the meaning of her duty as a Sailor Senshi. Which was, to be blunt, amazing as hell considering the house she lived in now.

"Im da proncass an im talling u 2 stap off, mrarz!!!" Neo-Princess Serenity commanded with a wink. "Gew hom!"

Mars chuckled. "I will... if you win." She stepped back.

"deel!111" Neo-Princess Serenity gave a thumbs up.

"You're nothing but a little girl. Chibiusa-chan!" Darkury mocked. "Step aside before I hurt you."

"The PROPER name," Neo-Princess Serenity scolded, suddently appearing quite a bit taller, her Moon stick transformed into a Tier, "Is NEO. PRINCESS. SERENITY. And this throne... IS MINE."

Dramatic music played.

"That reminds me," Haruka muttered. "I need to take a s[BLEEP]t."

"NOT THAT KIND OF THRONE!" The Princess yelled as Darkury attacked.

* * *

"Stop ogling the blonde idiots and FIGHT ME!" Jedite yelled, throttling King Endymion. But the man's focus on the women seemingly rendered him immune to the pain.

"God!" Endymion yelled. "STOP BOTHERING ME, they look so FINE!" He fished around in his pockets and pulled out a rock, dashing it to the ground.

"No way..." Jedite muttered, recognizing that rock, which exploded in a cloud of dust.

"KUNZITE! I choose YOU!" Endymion yelled as the Shitennou appeared out of the smoke.

"I hate you, you incompetent bast[BLEEP]rd," Kunzite snapped to Endymion. "But at the same time, you're so lithe, so Bishounen..."

Jedite hurled Endymion away, repulsed by the way Kunzite was looking in his direction. "Well if it isn't Fabio no Shitennou."

Kunzite produced two energy knives and began to advance on Jedite menacingly as Endymion began to inch towards Neo-Queen Serenity and Serena.

* * *

rei.bot's eyes flashed neon green for a moment before settling back to their usual piercing electric blue. She regarded the Sakura android, scanning its superstructure and circuitry.

"Ohh, you wanna get under these petticoats, huh?" Psycho Sakura cackled, brown eyes shifting a bit as she scanned rei.bot. Everyone else might be afraid of the 2 ton Validium monster, but she wasn't... she was her OWN kind of beast.

rei.bot just looked at her impassively and nodded her head in an "attack me" gesture.

"Heh, miko's got guts, Saki," Psycho Sakura cackled, ripping open a nearby victim and showering his intestines on the still downed Sakura. "Here, you look like you need some too."

In the blink of an eye, while rei.bot had turned her head to look at what had been thrown at Sakura, Psycho Sakura blasted forward, charging at rei.bot, gun out, pressing it to the miko's temple. But then the android's eyes went wide as she felt rei.bot impale her in the chest with her arm.

Psycho Sakura spat up some lubricant fluid. "Damn you..."

Then she began to laugh. Slowly, then harder, louder. "Hu.... Huu... Huahhaahahahahahahaah!!"

"You don't know my power, do you?" the androuid spat, her insides beginning to pull at rei.bot's arm, absorbing it, integrating it into her body. "Ooh, you taste delicious~"

rei.bot quickly detached her arm at the midpoint of her forearm and watched as the android repaired herself, taking in the metal.

"Mmmm~" Pyscho Sakura moaned. "So good, so tasty. Validium, so powerful~" She flexed her right arm.

"Now you're going to... HRRRK!!!!" The android's eyes widened as she dropped to her knees.

rei.bot chuckled. "thank you for allowing me to infiltrate your circuitry so completely"

Psycho Sakura looked up at the miko, bawling "WHAT?! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!"

rei.bot smiled. "i own you bitch"

Forcing the android up to her feet, rei.bot allowed her arm to regrow. She had lost about a good pound of mass, but oh well.

"Go ahead then, kill me!" Pyscho Sakura cackled. "DO IT!"

rei.bot shrugged. "i will do worse, i will limit you"

"Limit~?" The android asked, as rei.bot simply walked away, towards the fallen real Sakura.

"Bullsh[BLEEP]t!" Psycho Sakura cackled and fired some lethal blasts at an armored martian trooper. Her shots hit, but only in non-lethal areas, crippling but not killing him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she yelled out, just dropping to her knees in disbelief. Her aim was being subtly shifted!

"when i authorize it," rei.bot intoned, "you may kill"

"AUTHORIZE ME! AUTHORIZE ME!" the droid screeched. "SO I CAN GUT EVERYONE YOU LOVE!"

rei.bot looked at Psycho Sakura dimly.

"Uhh, I mean DISPENSE HOT VIGILANTE JUSTICE!"

rei.bot ignored her and kicked Enydmion away from the unconcious Neo Queen Serenity, from whom he was attempting to cop a feel.

"why are you not guarding them, minako-chan?" rei.bot demanded. Minako was huddled in a corner, knees drawn up to her chest, sniffling.

"Because X-chan is still dead and that means Sakura-chan will be too soon~" Minako sobbed.

rei.bot hung her head. She too would miss her pet Sakura-chan. She cast a slightly guilty look over at Psycho Sakura.

"r3i.b07", a modulated electronic vocoder male voice that stank of sinister evil sounded out behind her. The miko turned to see the demonic Luna-P toy floating there at eye level, its large eyes glowing red with the hellish energies of consumed souls.*

* Luna-P speaks in l33t but to save everyone's brain I'm just going to translate into english [like so].

[Your beloved Sakura is going to die unless something is done] Luna-P intoned, an almost deliciously happy tinge to its voice.

"what of it" rei.bot demanded.

[I can ensure that she survives... for a price] The ball's large grin grew wider.

"what price" rei.bot asked warily.

[When the time comes you will allow me the freedom to do as I please] the ball chuckled.

rei.bot knew full well the ball intended to one day form the way of the Death Paw and reign chaos over the world. She looked over at Sakura, and back over at flaming Tokyo, a taste of what could be.

She did not hesistate. "deal"

[unlike you who have to fight your way through to the other world or have the gods open a portal, I can travel both ways with ease] Luna-P explained.

"like uranai baba" rei.bot nodded.*

* See Dragonball

[I ATE Uranai Baba] the ball cackled. [Anything I eat adds to my powers]

Haruka, eavesdropping, had an inappropriate ecchi thought at that sentence and then began to vomit for the 4chan worthy mental image that ensued.

Zooming into the air, Luna-P entered a hellish portal and vanished, returning some minutes later, spitting out a cocoon, from which Doctor Xadium-- the original, clawed his way out.

"X-chan!!" Minako cried out happily and running over to him, glomp-cuddling him.

Luna-P cackled. Now, with rei.bot out of the way, one day the cult of the Death Paw would rise. It zoomed off to reap some more souls from the mass carnage of the crisis.

rei.bot ignored the reunited couple and walked over to the dual Usagis-- the Neo Queen and her counterpart from America, Serena.

Artemis padded up to her, having been forgotten by the author until this exact second.

"Gee thanks a lot," Artemis growled. "Anyways, rei.bot, while the rest of the universe goes through the crisis, we still have to save the Earth."

rei.bot nodded. "when mulder-san did hypnosis on serena-san, the genki ego of the usagi-san who fought galaxia and lost slipped into her; here, that usagi's mad libidinous id, neo-queen serenity-sama, also exists;"

"Thanks to Setsuna bridging time like this, we've got all three parts of Usagi in the same time and space," Artemis realized. "We need to get these two to wherever the 'real' Usagi is!"

"i will do this," rei.bot intoned, picking up the two usagis under each arm and heading away from the battlezone, hoping to locate others who had had luck finding a passage to the spot where Usagi and Galaxia stood almost frozen in time at the center of the Earth.

"Wait for me, r-chan!" Sakura yelled, following her.

"You're not leaving ME behind!" Psycho Sakura yelled, charging after them both so she could hopefully learn how to break her restraints and mince them or something. But before she could get very far a combined force of thirty mandroids, some of Tokyo's SDF and a Martian battleship all opened fire on her, blowing her to smithereens, her parts landing all throughout the junked vehicles and wrecked machines in the area.

Endymion, for his part, misssed the massive explosion, watching the two blondes bouncing under rei.bot's arms, knowing what he had to do. Casting off his imperial suit, he reverted to the form of Chiba Mamoru, and, leaking drool, ran after them. Past, future, it didn't matter, wherever that Serena went, he would follow~*

* Setsuna's leaving and Mamoru's trip to the past decided by the outcome of Archangel and Tux_Rainbow's fight.

"W-wait," Artemis mewled, left behind in a cloud of dust. He turned to talk to Minako, but she was too busy harassing Xadium for being dead for so long.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU FIGHT YOUR WAY OUT OF HELL FOR ME!" Minako yelled, shaking Xadium and crying happily.

"Because that only works if you're Piccolo or Son Goku or rei.bot?" Xadium asked weakly.

Suddenly Xadium shot bolt upright and tossed Minako aside (gently).

"Wha--what is it X-chan??" Minako asked in a panic, seeing the murderous look in his eyes.

For from out of a breach in space had fallen--

One Kou Yaten.

Xadium smiled darkly. He'd never forgiven Yaten for roughing up Minako at that one idol competition, and he was all too happy to make him / her / it pay in spades.

He reared back to punch Yaten, but then stopped. As Minako was poking... Yaten's chest?

"X-chan," she began, wide-eyed, groping in a completely scientific but rude manner, "Yaten's a girl~"

"When he transforms, surely~?" Xadium asked.

"All the Kinmoku Senshi used to be women, all the time," Haruka muttered, laying down some phat exposition. "In fact in one timeline they came to Earth and just CROSSDRESSED as guys." She poked Yaten's chest experimentally, noting the firmness and drooling. "Like this one here."

As everyone watched, the prone Yaten's body shifted, and she became more masculine. Haruka withdrew her finger in disgust. "But thanks to the crisis they became men AND women."

"But I remember them as Troglodytes," Minako protested.

"Hermaph--" Xadium started to correct and just dropped it.

"That's the crisis for you, it was already in full effect even way back then." Haruka nodded to herself and chugged.*

* And with that we retcon out the confusing Stars manga, taking only the notion of their being a Galaxy Cauldron, Phobos and Deimos being able to transform, Artemis and Luna coming from Mau, and the existence of the other Animamates. In this timeline Crow-tachi ARE the senshi of their planets, they did not kill the original ones to take their powers. And Senshi have Sailor Crystals not starseeds.

Xadium nodded, understanding. Then he punched Yaten in the face.

"X-chan you enjoy that way too much," Minako pointed out.

* * *

Deep in the dungeons of the Crystal Palace, Professor Tomoe stood for a moment, looking up at Hotaru, who was chained against a wall, asleep, her Silence glaive left just a few feet out of her reach.

He reached up and stroked her cheek for a moment, the insane crimson grin still plastered on his face, but a firm resolution forming in his mind. He had spent the better part of his life looking to create the perfect superhuman. As he gripped her shackles and pulled them out of the wall, he realized he had-- himself. The price, however, was too high for the narrow minded scientists of the 21st century to pay.

"Papa...?" Hotaru asked weakly, opening her eyes and looking up at him.

His little girl. He'd reanimated her with the power of Daimon, even going so far as to give her a half-robotic body, making her a walking dead. Irtonically her destruction at the hands of Sailor Saturn had saved her, giving her a new, healthy, if pale body-- a reminder of the pain of her last life. She had come so far, grown so well. Well except for certain areas, but there was surgery for that.

"HOTARU-CHAN," Tomoe smiled. "IT'S TIME FOR US TO SAY GOODBYE."

"Wh-wha...?" Hotaru forced herself awake. Ami's lengthy diabolical babbling had knocked her out well and good.

Tomoe adjusted his glasses. "HOTARU-CHAN, I'M A MAD SCIENTIST... I LIVE FOR THE NEXT INSANE DISCOVERY... BUT LATELY, I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING MUCH."

"I know..." Hotaru said slowly, blinking and trying to focus. "But--"

Tomoe held up a hand "I'VE HIT THE LIMIT TO WHAT 21ST CENTURY TECHNOLOGY CAN DO." He looked out over the fires of hybrid 21st Century / 31st Century Tokyo. "BUT A THOUSAND YEARS OF SCIENCE LATER~"

Hotaru's eyes widened as she realized what he intended. "Papa! You intend to move TO THE FUTURE?!"

Tomoe shrugged. "IF LITTLE BRATS CAN KEEP COMING BACK IN TIME WHY CAN'T I GO FORWARD! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

"I'll-- I'll miss you!" Hotaru cried.

"REALLY?" Tomoe asked, surprised.

"Not really, since you're always in the lab anyway," Hotaru mused.

"THAT'S MY GIRL! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!" Tomoe slapped her in the back, almost cracking her in two.

As Hotaru struggled NOT TO DIE, Tomoe ran off screaming like a madman into the burning night of the FUTURE.

"Somehow, I always knew he'd end up like that," she muttered, collecting her glaive and heading for the others.*

* It's the Sub.Sen TOMOE family. Were you expecting a super weepfest?

* * *

As Sailor Mars watched Neo-Princess Serenity spin her Imperial Pink Heart Moon Kalidoscope Tier around, she suddenly became nauseous and dropped to her knees. Even the Princess and Darkury paused, having felt the universe twist and warp in the most fundamental way possible.

They all percieved it differently, but their conclusions were the same. Whatever the crisis was, they had just been feeling the aftershocks, sent backwards in time... but now... now the Earthquake itself was about to hit.

* * *

Aboard the Pimp Star*

* Damn don't you love a job where you can write s[BLEEP]t like "Aboard the Pimp Star"

*Cough* Anyway. Aboard the Pimp Star, Kaioh Michiru, who had been possessed by the spirit of Elios, suddenly vanished, to be replaced by Elios himself. Looking at the countdown timer, he realized that the 24 hour time limit he'd given Ami to surrender in had elapsed. He fired up the turbolasers, which were aimed at the Crystal Palace.

* * *

Michiru appeared next to Haruka, who was sitting on the stoop of the palace, chugging a beer even as Darkury, Neo-Princess Serenity and Sailor Mars seemed to be running away at top speed, with Minako, Xadium and Artemis in tow.

"Haruka!" Michiru snapped angrily, knocking the beer can out of her hand. "I WAS POSSESSED BY THAT FILTHY MAN AND YOU DID NOTHING TO SAVE ME!"

Haruka shrugged. "Dude, stuff always works out."

Michiru turned red with anger, looking down at her hand where a wedding ring SHOULD have been so long ago.

"1991... to 2006... 15 years..." Michiru growled. "FIFTEEN YEARS since we've been together... that's as long as that SERENA Gaijin has been alive!"

Haruka looked on uncompehendingly.

"FIFTEEN YEARS OF NOTHING!" Michiru yelled.

"The sex was hawt, and the love and stuff," Haruka mused, drinking her beer.

"Do you still love me, Haruka?" Michiru asked, voice cracking.

"Of COURSE I do!" Haruka replied, looking at her with fire in her eyes.

"Then you SHOULD HAVE MARRIED ME!" Michiru yelled, smacking her hard.

"Ow! that was my face, not my ass!" Haruka protested.

"What's the difference," Michiru growled coldly. She turned and stiffened her back, trying not show weakness. "As of now, Haruka... I'm moving on. Our engagement, everything... it's OFF. The world is at peace now, you don't need me watching your back any longer."

"Wha--wha wait~" Haruka protested, trying to get up to her feet, knees wobbly from the beer and sitting on her butt all the time. She pointed to surrounding devastation. "World at peace my ASS!"

"Well," Michiru began, "if we survive the night, you are free to date, as am I. If you should ever EVOLVE to the point where you have the GUTS to follow through on a real commitment, I *may* consider speaking to you again."

"YOU--!" Haruka pointed to Michiru accusingly. "YOU'RE JUST DOING THIS SO YOU CAN PLAY THE FIELD! YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH HASSELHOFF AGAIN! ADMIT IT!"

"It's true," Michiru chuckled, feeling light and guilt-free for the first time in years.*

* This outcome brought about by the end of the Ikari Shinji / Knifeyutensil fight-- and yay for not having to plan a wedding?

Haruka scowled. She'd make Michi come back to her! Damn straight she wou--- ooh, a Green Orion slave girl from the 31st century~!

"By the way, Haruka-san--?" Michiru said as she walked off, deliberately swinging her hips to make Haruka miss her even more, "you may have noticed everyone running away. *That* is why." She pointed up to the Pimp Star where the turbolasters had fully charged.

"AWW S[BLEEP]T!" Haruka yelled, transforming and running away from the palace as fast as she could, grabbing Michiru and taking her away too, for friendship's sake if nothing else-- and to cop one last feel.

A huge wave of bass smashed down over the sity from the Pimp-star's mega subwoofer as a hip-hop gangsta beat began to play and a message blared, flattening all the buildings that were not the Crystal Palace or of 31st century manufacture. .

"LISTEN UP PUNK / THIS IS DA MASTER OF BADASS FUNK, DA REVEREND DR. H, BACK ON DA SCENE, RIDING HOT AND HEAVY ON HIS PHAT DEATH MACHINE! COMIN TO YOU FROM OUTTA SPACE, I'M GONNA GIVE THE EMPIRE A KICK IN DA FACE! I'M GONNA SHOOT MY THICK ASS BEAM, TILL YOUR DAMN JOKE OF A CAPITOL IS NUTTIN BUT ARCHITECT'S WET DREAM! DA HIP HOP REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED!!"

"He's going to fire on the Palace!" Sailor Mars exclaimed as she ran away from it, running alongside Sailor Venus, who was clutching Xadium by one arm and dragging him at top speed.

"The Palace is made out of the Ginzuishou!" Xadium exclaimed breathlessly. "It's an extension of Usagi's body! The Pimp Star has enough power to smash a PLANET! Firing that at a highly refractive crystal that can bend REALITY, in the middle of a massive timestorm, not to mention a multiversal implosion---"

"--What would happen X-chan!?" Sailor Venus asked breathlessly.

"--We're about to find out!" he replied in a panic as he massive green turbolaser from the Pimp Star shot down through the atmosphere, blasting away the clouds around it, splitting the air with a thunderclap and striking the palace, turning it a transparent glowing green for a brief millisecond before

everything just went white

- heartbeat -

in the cave at the center of the earth the real usagi spat up blood, galaxia's sword slipping deeper, faster into her side~

- heartbeat -

- where are we - mars thought

- heartbeat -

- some kind of nexus - rick berman replied

- heartbeat -

- is this the crisis - ami asked herself, wondering if elios firing the laser set it off

- heartbeat -

- no but this is its end - the universe replied

- heartbeat -


- choose your destiny -

- heartbeat -

Michiru took one last look at Haruka and firmed her resolve. A deep part of her still loved her, but until Haruka took it upon herself to grow up and take responsibility, she couldn't be spending her whole life just being her compliant bed-partner and housemate. No, instead she would free herself to savour the delicious possibilites of single life-- and dangle them in front of Haruka at every opportunity to show her what she was missing.

"Mmm, isn't that right, my little Knight Rider?" Michiru asked, trailing a finger down David Hasselhoff's hairy chest as she sat up underneath the satin sheets of his German love nest. Chuckling, she logged onto the IRC to see what was new.

- heartbeat -

Haruka sighed as she felt Michiru go. She knew, somewhere down the road-- or she hoped, anyway-- that they would get back together. But for now, she had a golden ticket, and she wasn't going to waste it!

"God, you're hot, Torrie Wilson," Haruka moaned as she watched WWE Raw and chugged a beer, scratching herself and belching. God, this was the life.

- heartbeat -

Ami narrowed her eyes and stepped out of the light in the basement of Professor Tomoe's lab in the 21st Century. Excellent. The resources here would be perfect for a founding of Mizunomics Corporation 1000 years early, when no one would suspect it. She would take the Professor's science, and her own future know-how, and form the Corporation that would rule the future! Sure, Usagi or Chibiusa might have the power, but she would rule the economy, and be the true force that moved the world! Logging onto the house IRC server, she registered her account.

- heartbeat -

Kino Makoto hurriedly stepped out of the light behind her, after all someone needed to keep an eye on Ami... a very close eye...

- heartbeat -

Professor Tomoe stood in front of the gleaming Mizunomics building in the 31st century. Within lay the fruits of 31st century science, all waiting for the plucking. And pluck he would! He hacked open the door and made his way to the labs. Oh yes, from here the new Mugen Labs would be born. With this technology and his genius, he would RULE THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!

(this outcome and Ami's brought to you by the outcome of the Go-Go Yubari / Alexis Einstein fight)

- heartbeat -

Chibiusa looked to Rei and smiled. "Hay da futar's boranfg az sit. I'm tyard of laving dere, i tink i went 2 leav in da presant frum new on~"

Rei nodded, her features becoming serious for a moment "You know that one day, your destiny will probably take you back there."

"Fak dansity," Chibiusa replied dismissively "hear iz were i belog~ wit mai frendz n hawy menz" She walked out of the light and into her classroom at Juuban middle, running to Momoko, The Vampire Lyrica Hubert, Tamasaburo and Kyosuke.

- heartbeat -

Rei nodded to herself. Enough of the stupid crystal future. The present, with untold possibilities, better manga, and hotter boys-- that was the place to be! She emerged into Ten'Aino house and chuckled. Even if it meant living in this place with the crazy people. Phobos and Demios would be more than capable of handling Mars in her absence.

- heartbeat -

Motoki, for his part, couldn't handle it anymore. Talking cats, sailor soldiers, mandroids, explosions, furry girls, it was too much! Too MUCH! He just wanted to be back at his Bar, drowning away his sorrow over Reika and making the odd throaty phone call to Minako. He didn't want to know or care about the rest of it!

And so he awoke in bed, in a cold sweat, alone, looking up at the ceiling. It was almost time to open up the bar. Maybe Ten'ou-kun would show up today. She was hot. If not, oh well, such was life.

(Motoki's departure from Sub.Sen was the result of the Senshi Guardian / Raihosha fight)

- heartbeat -

Chiba Mamoru emerged from the light into his old apartment. He looked around, blinking, barely recognizing his old haunt. God it felt good to be back in the 21st century, where he wasn't Usagi's constant plaything or a target for Setsuna's desires. Here he could stop having to wear that stupid purple suit all the time. Smiling, he picked out his favorite puke green shirt and grey slacks. Yeah, he was stylin'~ and soon that lovely young Serena would fall for his charms~ oh yeah~

- heartbeat -

Meioh Setsuna's essence spread out thinner and thinner, her fate not up to her, but the quantum winds. Would she die? Become a sailor soldier once more? End up a mere civilian? No one knew... but for now, she simply was... not anything at all...

- heartbeat -

Minako, Xadium and Artemis all step into their home together, a family again, knowing Sakura and rei.bot will join them soon.

- heartbeat -

Elios realizes all the hot chicks have left the 31st Century and so decides to come back to the present to check out all the new honeys on the scene.

- heartbeat -

Jedite continued to struggle with Kunzite even in the void, their vast and titanic battle too much to show thanks to bugetary reasons.

"Give us a kiss," Kunzite cooed, puckering his lips. "You're so hot~"

"BY METALLIA GET AWAY FROM ME!" Jedite blasted back, flying away from Kunzite at top speed.

Kunzite's feature darkened and he smiled tautly. "Fool, you underestimate me, the GREATEST of the Shitennou!" He smiled as one of the energy boomerangs he had thrown minutes prior slammed into Jedite's back, impaling him.

Jedite's eyes went wide, the boomerangs changing into ice... ice that started freezing him from the inside out.

"Get lost," Kunzite commanded, kicking Jedite, who was frozen into a huge ice crystal, out of the Nexus, sending him crashing back down to the Arctic Circle, where he vanished forever into the icy sea.

"That's what you get for being Homophobic," Kunzite chuckled, crossing his arms. Now, where to go... it had been so long since he was awake. The 21st century sounded good. He would pick up right where he left off. And with Endymion there too... things could get quite... delicious.

(This outcome brought to you by the outcome of the Ikari Shinji / Furu fight).

- heartbeat -

Lead Crow and Siren looked at each other. Their names cleared, they could travel to Sagittarius 0 star and join the Sailor Corps-- as two of the most powerful animamates they could do great good all throughout the galaxy.

"Ara, I think being heroes in the 21st century is more fun!" Siren chirped. Ever since she'd saved those kids and drowned that alien back in the 3rd anniversary special OVA she'd been quite the hero in Juuban.

Crow rolled her eyes. "Screw heroing, the news pays better, even if it is working for Boss Cleavag... err, Minako."

She tugged Siren by the arm. "Let's go, the anchor seats are getting cold."

- heartbeat -

Hotaru, incensed at the violation visited upon her by Elios about a week ago, and even more digusted at what she had done to him in return, knew her destiny. She stepped out of the light--

-- and into the Barn where here earlier self, laid low by an ill-advised drink of beer, was giggling stupidly, about to give herself to Elios like a fool.

"Never." Hotaru scowled and transformed, slamming her Glaive down, the energies of the Silence Wave interacting with the residue from the Ginzuishou / Pimp Star blast and PUNCHING through reality*

* 'Sup, Shinjesus?

twisting and tearing all of space time, setting off the multiversal collision / implosion that would domino into a million other twists and turns, changes and alterations... starting the shockwave that woudl resonate backwards and forwards in time... starting that which forever would be known simply as... The Crisis.

As everything went white again, the picture finally faded back into view, the new reality settling in.

The events of the last two nights were forgotten, the cause lost, but the effect permanent nonetheless. Tokyo was whole again, the 21st and 31st centuries back where they belonged and no one the wiser. As far as Professor Tomoe knew he had just hitched a ride to the future and raided Mizunomics; Motoki had forgotten everything about the Suburban Senshi except their civilian forms. Elios continued to ogle the girls, expecially new arrival Makoto Kino-- who wasn't around much at all, but whenever she was she was right at the heels of geek hotness Ami Mizuno.

Minako continued to run Ginga, the 50 billion yen she had embezzled somehow all back in the corporate coffers. She employed Chiba Mamoru to do odd jobs like carry boxes around, or male model for commercials, or whatever it was he did when not riding his bike and trying to pick up underage girls.

Sakura came back home and left for the 31st Century once Noriko had handed her a new, fully grown TARDIS. It wasn't as shiny as her old one, but she'd soon fix that.

Kunzite took over Jedite's cave, destroying all his meager possessions and setting up a home training gym. From these meager beginnings, he mused, he would reform the Dark Kingdom, stronger and more butch than ever!

Hotaru missed her father more than she let on, but with so many new arrivals to the house, things kept her busy enough. It was odd, so much change, so quickly, she often pondered. But then again life was change, and insert other profound thought that is a horrible cliche like she tends to spout here. She looked at a photo of the faces both old and new and smiled, even as Haruka-Poppa and Michiru-momma could be heard arguing in the background. She remembered what Haruka had called them all once.

Yes, they were. Be they all-new and all different, they still were, and forever would be-- the Suburban Senshi*.

THANKS FOR FOUR GREAT YEARS AND HERE'S TO FOUR MORE

No one, not even rei.bot, remembered the cataclysm.

A robotic fist, steaming with multiversal energy, Hellsing ARMS 35mm 'Jackal' clenched in it smashed through the asphalt of the Tokyo street. Cackling, psychotic laughter filled the dawn hours as cats hissed in fear.

Well, almost no one.

(cue heavy metal closing music here)

NOTE: The outcome of the battle to save Earth will be a live chatbox RP event, and the transcript added to the eventual crisis page. (PROTIP: It lives, the question is in what form)





 






[ This Comment awaiting Moderator Approval ]

• 01/07/13 07:06am

*sigh* I miss Setsuna already, sort of... Sad to see Pluto demoted.

Tuxedo Rainbow • 08/25/06 10:02am

Well, it's offical. As of Thurs Aug 24, 2006, Pluto is no longer deemed a planet. It's been lumped in with other large orbiting objects, like asteroids, that are called "dwarf planets". Chronos, its moon, is not up for promotion and neither is Xena, the planetoid discovered farther out. The base reason Pluto was disqualified was because its orbit overlapped with that of Neptune. The quote (from Yahoo news) is as follows:

"Pluto, a planet since 1930, got the boot because it didn't meet the new rules, which say a planet not only must orbit the sun and be large enough to assume a nearly round shape, but must 'clear the neighborhood around its orbit.' That disqualifies Pluto, whose oblong orbit overlaps Neptune's, downsizing the solar system to eight planets from the traditional nine.

Astronomers have labored without a universal definition of a planet since well before the time of Copernicus, who proved that the Earth revolves around the sun, and the experts gathered in Prague burst into applause when the guidelines were passed."

Since poor Setsuna has fallen into Limbo since the Crisis, I hope this will settle things for her and Sailor Chronos. And that's my two bits for today. :)

Mel • 08/25/06 12:11am

*claps*

Adam • 08/24/06 11:18pm

So Tomoe and Jedite are gone and Ami and Kunzite are stepping in? *This* I gotta see! XD

Solarchos [e-mail] • 08/24/06 07:28am

BTW (since you can't edit the previous comments)):

You really took me by surprise by sending Mako into the past.

Ikari Shinji • 08/24/06 02:01am

I've given a longer reply in the chatbox but... I loved it. Bravo.

Ikari Shinji • 08/24/06 02:00am

Sweet ending, although Setsuna is gone. But what of the Earth?

Tuxedo Rainbow • 08/24/06 01:40am



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