July 18th, 2006
> Ara, Good evening minna-san! It's time again for Ginga TV's weekly news roundup!
> I hope everyone is doing well!
> We start tonight with headlines from animenewsnetwork.com.
> The CMX Director of Manga recently replied to complaints about the editing of Tenjho Tenge
> In related news, Funimation's Minister of Anime was quoting as saying "Nothing has been edited! Captain Ginyu has always sounded like a cowboy and Freiza is defiling the Saiya-jin as we speak!"
> Anime News Network's coverage of the CLAMP focus panel at Anime Expo 2006 is up
> The General concensus? Otaku today have far more instances of the CLAMP today than they did in years prior.
> My take? Otaku are starting to breed, and it isn't pretty.
> Negadon: The Monster from Mars will screen along with Kakurenbo and Cat Soup at Katy's Alamo Mason Park Cinema.
> In this thrilling tripartite home video produced by our very own CEO Aino Minako, we get to see Hino Rei on PMS rampaging through Roppongi laying waste to all the filth-ridden gaijin who try to hit on her, as well as a strange experimental piece about the sex life of one of Tomoe's Daimons, and the unfortunate aftereffects of eating a Kaioh Michiru meal , the contents of which included one hapless Artemis who fell in the broiler during the Iron-Chef style preparation antics.
> Mmm-Mmm! Sounds tasty!
> Intermedia has optioned Adam Alleca's The Drowning Man for a film adaptation.
> Ara, I have a memo here from an unnamed staffer who reports they may be hiring for Intermedia!!
> Hai, they say they're looking for "a man who has nothing left to live for, willing to submerge himself in a large body of water for 30 minutes without a protective suit. Large non-transferrable cash payment to follow after."
> Gainax has announced a new anime called "Maiking Break-Through Gurren-Lagann"
> No one is quite sure if the anime is about a lone scrivener named Gurren-Lagann documenting the hot Yaoi tale of "My King" who successfully comes out of the closet making a Personal "breakthrough" through him, or if it's an infomercial series hosted BY Gurren-Lagann telling pimply-faced Otaku nerds how they can make breakthroughs in their personal lives, doing such innocent Otaku things we see in anime such as holding hands, getting their first kiss, feeling up every woman in sight "accidentally" via their faces buried in her cleavage or panty shots with webcam.
> One thing we do know is, there will be 100% Gainax bounce!
> and the last episode will be filmed entirely in crayon and voiced over by a drunk Megumi Ogata making out with Ayumi Hamasaki.
> Illumitoon Entertaiment Ltd, a new Texas company founded by former Funimation Executives, has acquired Beet the Vandal Buster and Beet the Vandal Buster Excellion. Their press release says "Already Illumitoon has acquired some serious titles, and is looking forward to launching DVD releases as early as January 2007."
> Finimation Inc has vowed to crush the rebellious upstart with re-released dubs of "Pokemon Z" in which the long filler fights in DBZ are spliced with Pokemon' footage as the Z-fighters now battle by "choosing" Pokemon and having them fight.
> In related news, police are salivating at the prospects of getting voice samples from every janitor, hamburger-flipper and bagboy in Texas. The amount of unsolved petty crimes is expected to drop to 0.
> The team behind New York/New Jersey's AnimeNEXT convention is introducing a black and white companion, MangaNEXT.
> Taking a hint from lated Sony's PSP PR breakthrough, MangaNEXT will feature images of black and white Manga Characters strangulating one another on huge bulletin boards.
> One can only hope someone thick and burly like Bleach's "Chad" can wrap their hands around the neck of Kinomoto Sakura.
> TWIST, CHADO! TWIST! hihihihihihihihi!
> Death to Lolicons indeed.
> On July 12th, Mitsubishi Pencil Co. released a Let's Begin Coloring pencil set for middle-aged and senior citizens in Japan.
> Do you remember back when they used to make cars?
> Why would old people need "let's begin coloring" sets anyway??
> Think about it, the generation of desperate, drunk Salarymen who have been guaranteed lifetime employment has finally come of retirement age. What ELSE are they going to do?
> Molest young female secretaries?
> Thank GOD Ginga is run by a young woman ><
> ICv2 has declared "Funimation CEO is Most Powerful"
> The Saiyajin prince Vegita immediately issued a terse, loud reply from planet Plant which he replied "I AM THE STRONGEST!!"
> This was followed Changeling Freiza's "No you aren't, big boy, you're just a monkey! A wild, crazy monkey!"
> In breaking news, Freiza has been hospitalized due to a massive b[BLEEP]
chslap related injury. Early DNA tests indicate Bulma Briefs may have been the attacker.
> DBZ: Where the men FIGHT about being the strongest, but we all know who REALLY wears the pants.
> Pocket Monsters Diamond and Pearl, based on the Nintendo DS games, premieres this fall on TV Tokyo.
> These two new Pokemon will teach kids how to redecorate their homes and hit their parents up for more expensive Nintendo Merchandise.
> I thought there were only 150 Pokemon??
[08:14] * Karasuma_Akane sighs
> All it takes is for one stupid kid to violate the "one Pokemon, one ball" rule and suddenly it's a love hotel in your pocket
> Yao Ming to have cameo in upcoming live-action "tribute" to Slam Dunk
> the movie which is expected to sell 2 copies domestically. Which is 12 less than the amount of domestic copies sold of the manga. Which is still less than the copies of Warriors of Legend sold on the East Coast. Which is still more than the number of Otaku getting laid today.
> Ara, you can't say that on TV!!
> This is why we're in the INTERNET news division.
> Dragon Ball Z volumes 25, 27, and 28 ranked #5, #6, and #7 in this week's Oricon Japanese DVD rankings.
> In related news, #18, #17 and #16 are suing Oricon for lack of representation
> Oricon has responded by hiring a new "enforcer of orderly conduct", Cell.
> #18 replied to this by saying "Eat me," to which Cell replied, "My pleasure."
> In still more related news, Son Gohan was heard cursing his fate in a latrine last night.
> "Madhouse has joined the production team for season 2 of Boondocks. "We're creating a new system on-the-fly to get an authentic anime style but still have it be written with an American comedic sensibility," creator Aaron McGruder says.
> What, you mean doing kickass high quality work one moment, and then degenerating to barely-detailed patches of Photoshop filtered mood-lit frames the next?
> Ara, Sempai is still bitter about Sakura Taisen TV
> Michael Bay's live-action Transformers film is currently filming at Holloman Air Force Base in New Mexico.
> The USAF has remained mum about the rumours that they are using Decepticon-class jets in the war on Terrorism, to which the Iraqi Minister of Anime replied "The rumours are totally, totally false! Why even now we have Optimus Prime and Hound and they are kicking of the Decepticon ass!"
> This, despite the two popular transformers having been dead for several years.
> Toonami Jetstream is now online, serving free full length episodes of Naruto, Hikaru no Go, and the North American premieres of MÄR and The Prince of Tennis.
> You have to pay if you don't want to see filler.
> Ara, I don't think that's true...
> It will be, you'll see.
> AND NOW FOR KARASUMA'S FILLER THEORY MOMENT
> Ever wonder WHY shows like Naruto and Bleach, once sterling examples of must-see anime have become known as "Narutard" and "Bleaugh"? Some would say it's because the better animation studios went to the movie productions.
> I say it's because the mangaka want cash.
> I mean, if your manga is being followed to the letter, with high-impact fights, excellent voice acting and Rangiku's massive bosom moving in a full 30 FPS, who's going to want to pay to see the SAME THING in immobile dead tree format?
> Now you could either do what Rumiko Takahashi did, which was to STOP her massively popular anime Inuyasha in the middle
[08:29] * Aya_Reiko goes to get new shoes
> Thus FORCING everyone to buy the manga, with the possible hope of reviving the anime later to round out the tale-- but then that spoilage issue means very few will want to see what happens next, since they've read it.
> No, my friends, no. The plan THESE days is to just make massive FILLER arcs, so those who are hungry will go to the manga for the REAL Story, which will hit TV months later, thus barely slowing down the anime's revenus stream and boosting the manga's.
[08:31] * Aya_Reiko is back
> But what if people stop watching the anime because the filler stinks?
> But they won't, because of the sick, desperate hope that "today's filler episode will be the last, I'm SURE OF IT!"
> Trinity Blood will premiere at 12 a.m. Eastern on the night of September 9, immediately after the premiere of Bleach at 11:30.
> Followed by the premiere of "CSI Tokyo" in which Grissom gets to look expressionless-- oh wait that's just Madhouse doing their typical non high-budget work-- as he explains that the reason Detective Conan died was because of the high amounts of Bleach in his Trinity Blood. Case closed.
> The first trailer for Bleach: Memories of Nobody is now online here
> The title "nobody" refers to the entire Bleach watching audience figure after the Bounto arc.
> YTV has announced a live action Detective Conan series. The show will be set before the anime series.
> The show will feature a teenager who stands around doing nothing but talking to other people for half an hour while other people die.
> So it's basically handycam footage of teenagers in class watching CNN?
> Production IG Chairman and CEO Mitsuhisa Ishikawa recently attended a _Japan Society_ Innovators Project meeting, which included such guests as a current VP of IBM, former senior executive of Hewlett Packard, and founder of Craigslist.
> ...who are all Gaijin.
> Digital Manga lists a March 21 release for the Alcohol, Shirt and Kiss manga.
> This in-depth look into Ten'ou Haruka's sex life is expected to fly off the shelves.
> Intersound Inc., which dubbed anime such as Robotech and Dogtanian in the '80s, is closing down and auctioning some of its equipment on eBay.
> If you've ever wanted a mono microphone and a lifeless Salaryman VA, now you know where to go.
> turning now to Akadot.com...
> Goth-Kawa Star Nana Kitade Makes US Debut.
> In related news, Tomoe Hotaru orders a new set of undwerwear.
> Famous anime and TV drama actress Natsuki Katou cosplayed as Rei Ayanami to celebreate Neon Genesis Evangelion's 10th anniversary.
> She immediately regretted the decision, however, as the entire population of Akhibara swarmed into the press event attempting to achieve human complementation with her.
> The AV video of the event will be available in Akhibara starting next month.
> That's it for this week-- Otaku, take my advice-- get out there and get some sun-- it won't kill you.
> Until the skin cancer sets in, anyway.
> Ara, don't mind her, she's bitter. Have a good week, everyone!!